Kanye West's Behavior Is Triggering For Anyone Who's Been Harassed By An Ex

Ayana Fakhir cant help but feel unnerved by how Kim Kardashian and Kanye Wests divorce is playing out in the media.

Thats mostly because there are some uncanny parallels between how West is reacting to his impending divorce and how Fakhirs ex-husband behaved when she left him in 2007.

West has tried to reach out to Kardashian by any means necessary: Asking mutual friends for her newly changed phone number and tagging the reality star in all-caps Instagram screeds calling her out for what he sees as parental alienation. She didnt invite him to the birthday party she threw for their daughter Chicago , he claims. She didnt ask his permission before allowing their 8-year-old daughter, North, to put on makeup or get on TikTok .

In Fakhirs case, her ex texted her incessantly, left threatening voicemails on her phone and appeared at her work unannounced. This was pre-Instagram, so he couldnt put her on blast there, but he did create a blog where he publicly questioned her parenting and lifestyle choices.

He made multiple posts slandering me, publicizing our private marital business, Fakhir, an attorney and mom of two living in northeast Ohio, told HuffPost. He called me foul names and accused me of a host of things including welfare fraud, when I had never even applied for welfare benefits.

He also was dead-set on stalling their divorce process. West, who formally changed his name to Ye last year, is reportedly doing the same thing . (Kardashian filed for divorce a year ago after nearly seven years of marriage and four kids.)

Even Wests over-the-top gesture on Valentines Day felt eerily familiar to Fakhirs exs attempt to win her back. Though Kardashian has moved on with comedian Pete Davidson , West sent her a truckload of roses with lettering on the side of the customized vehicle reading, MY VISION IS KRYSTAL KLEAR. Fakhirs ex would drop off bouquets of roses and cards at her parents home, where she was staying after their separation. (Luckily, her ex didnt buy the house next door, as West has in Calabasas to be closer to the Kardashian clan.)

The whole pattern was West-esque: First, Fakhir said, her ex would intensely criticize her, then hed lovebomb her, and then, when that didnt work, hed go back to criticizing her.

Given all these similarities and her lingering post-traumatic stress disorder Fakhir admits its been emotionally triggering to watch so many in the public make light of the Donda rappers behavior. Some in the media are portraying the story as pure entertainment a high-drama celebrity divorce to keep us entertained during a pandemic.

Meanwhile, plenty of Kardashian detractors are coolly dismissive of whats occurring: You get the impression that some of them believe the reality star deserves to have her emotional abuse splashed all over social media because her family has so actively courted publicity over the last decade.

But whats worse, Fakhir said, is seeing Wests young, impressionable, mostly male fans defend or encourage their favorite rappers fight to bring [his] family back together.

Wests posts are quick to disappear, which makes sense from a PR perspective: His ramblings have become increasingly unhinged the last few weeks, but his fanboys seem to eat it up.

Look at the comment section of any of Wests most recent Instagram posts and youll see them applauding his efforts, dropping fire emojis, and making promises to take Davidson out, if only West would say the word. (Others claim the erratic behavior is just part of Wests album and doc rollout/promo, further trivializing whats happening to Kardashian and the couples children.)

Watching all of that play out makes me anxious, Fakhir said. I feel like Im breathing underwater when I see the media coverage and the comments. It takes me back to when no one believed he was the problem and accused me of being bitter and spiteful and angry.

Fakhir isnt alone. On Twitter, many people, mostly women, are sharing how much they sympathize with Kardashians plight because they, too, have been on the receiving end of public verbal abuse (or worse) from an angry ex.

No, Kim K and Pete Davidson cant see you laughing at Kanyes insane posts, but the women in your life who have survived domestic abuse and stalking can, one viral tweet reads .

This is straight up abuse and harassment. Its not cute. Its not love. Its stalking and quite frankly, scary. #kanye https://t.co/YD10lEB7NX

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This is straight up abuse and harassment. Its not cute. Its not love. Its stalking and quite frankly, scary. #kanye https://t.co/YD10lEB7NX
LoveAndyC (@LoveAndyC) February 14, 2022

The threat of violence is especially pronounced for married women who are newly separated from their exes: According to a 1995 U.S. Department of Justice report on violence against women, women separated from their husbands were three times more likely to have been assaulted than women who were divorced and 25 times more likely to have been assaulted than married women.

As Vox senior correspondent Jamil Smith put it on Twitter , the Kimye divorce is a window into the kind of harassment, endangerment, and humiliation women face daily.

Because social media gives hostile exes 24/7 access to harass their former spouses, the behavior is on the rise, said Virginia Gilbert , an LA-based therapist specializing in high-conflict divorce.

Being bullied on social media is much more traumatic than reading emails and texts because social media is so public, she told HuffPost. If youre a dramatic person, you want to share your dirty laundry on Instagram and Twitter to do more damage and gain more sympathy.

Tina Swithin , a high-conflict divorce coach and the author of Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice from the Battlefield, looks at Wests chaotic Instagram posts some of them needling and aggressive, others sympathy-courting and sees textbook post separation abuse .

If there was ever a playbook for how to terrorize your soon-to-be ex-wife, he is using it and the patterns are both chilling and predictable, Swithin said. Most every so-called high-conflict custody battle has three basic narratives: the abusers need for control, the abusers need to win and the abusers desire to hurt or punish the healthy parent.

If there was ever a playbook for how to terrorize your soon-to-be ex-wife, he is using it.
- Tina Swithin, high-conflict divorce coach

Kardashian has remained more tight-lipped than her ex, with the exception of one Instagram story statement earlier this month where she claimed that Wests attempts to control and manipulate the divorce has only caused further pain to their kids.

Kanyes narrative changes depending on the day, but the most recent theme is of a jilted husband who is in distress and mourning the breakdown of his marriage, Swithin said. In Kanyes mind, he is entitled to date and move forward but if she tries to move forward a year later, he becomes unhinged and is openly threatening violence against her boyfriend.

In one Instagram post, West encouraged any fans who encounter Davidson to scream... at the top of your lungs and say Kimye forever.

The rapper later posted a screenshot of what he said was a text from Kardashian, where she asked West to stop attacking Davidson because its creating a dangerous and scary environment for the comedian.

In a caption accompanying the image, West wrote: Upon my wifes request please nobody do anything physical to Skete Im going to handle the situation myself.

On Tuesday , West shared an Instagram post saying he knows some of his posts have come across as harassing Kim and that he plans to [take] accountability though by Tuesday night, he had resumed posting old photos of Kardashian.