LOS ANGELES When John-Lancaster Finley learned of Kobe Bryant s death on Sunday, he was left to mourn a man who was a major part of his childhood. As a Black kid growing up in Southern California, Finley looked up to Bryant. When he and his friends played ball, they pretended to be the NBA star. The legendary Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard made them feel like they could do anything.

But Finleys grief had an undercurrent of anger. The fact that Bryant had been accused of rape in 2003 weighed on him, especially since Finley now works as an anti-sexual assault advocate.

On Monday, the 25-year-old left work early to sit near a basketball court and reckon with his contradictory feelings. He wished Bryant had always been that strong version of himself captured in so many bedroom-wall posters. Why couldnt he have been perfect?

Having to accept that deep humanity of Kobe is a very, very hard and arduous thing to do, he said. These icons and idols are also just humans.

Over the past few days, the same struggle Finley grappled with has played out, on- and offline and on a grand scale, with much less nuanced results. In Los Angeles, the mood was somber following the crash. Buses flashed RIP KOBE in addition to their route numbers; landmarks, including the LAX pylons and City Hall, were lit in the Lakers colors of purple and gold. Many sported their Lakers jerseys, proudly repping Bryants numbers, 8 and 24. It seemed everyone was talking about the tragedy, or at least thinking about it.

As people mourned publicly, two divergent narratives about the athletes legacy emerged. Kobe Bryant was a hero, said one. Kobe Bryant was a rapist undeserving of praise, said the other.

The mudslinging became so toxic that a Washington Post journalist received death threats and was forced to seek safety in a hotel room after tweeting out a 2016 investigation into Bryants sexual assault allegation on Sunday. The flow of online tributes from high-profile figures like former President Barack Obama was disrupted by others who wanted Bryants rape allegations to define his legacy.

Bryants death has brought up complicated and uncomfortable questions, ones that have become more common in the Me Too era: How do we reckon with beloved people who do horrible things? How do we make space for the pain survivors feel, and for how much Bryant meant to sports fans and the Black community and other people of color ?