This article is part of a series called How to Human , interviews with memoirists that explore how we tackle lifes alarms, marvels and bombshells.

Miriam Feldman likes to tell people that the list of red flags for serious mental illness irrational behavior and mercurial moods are the same list of behaviors for most teenagers, and it is the reason why it took her family four years to figure out her son Nick had schizophrenia.

In her new memoir, He Came In With It: A Portrait of Motherhood and Madness , which was published on July 22, she describes how when one child is on fire, the other siblings are marginalized and how hard it is to navigate a medical system not set up to support people with mental illnesses.

HuffPost spoke to Feldman via a Google Hangout in late June. This interview was condensed and edited for clarity.

Will you walk me through the diagnosis process with Nick? Because, it sounds like it was pretty complicated to actually get there.

Its very hard in the best of circumstances to get to a good diagnosis and especially with mental illnesses. Also, once you veer into ones like schizophrenia and bipolar, because schizophrenia is a diagnosis of criteria. Its not like you do a blood test and OK, this is what he has. So they just check off enough boxes and if he exhibits certain behaviors, then thats what they call it. And its basically that with all the mental illnesses.

The thing that I always say is if you made the list of red flags for serious mental illness and you made the list of normal teenage behavior, you would have virtually the same list. Theyre all mercurial and hostile and irrational and ... I would look at him and I would look at his friends and I was like, OK, theyre all nuts. You know what I mean? This too shall pass.

But then it didnt pass with Nick. And with us, the wake-up call was when he cut his wrist and at that point I could not normalize it any more. So as far as the path to a diagnosis, it was meandering. First we addressed it as drug abuse and sent him to rehab and a therapist. Then it progressed from there to anxiety and then depression, and this is over a period of years from, say, 16 to 20. Then eventually when he was 18 or almost 19, we got bipolar, but even then they told me, This is probably not the end of it.

Then eventually when he was about 20, they said, Schizophrenia.

Nothing is perfect, of course, but why is it so hard to diagnose mental illness?

Its hard because the system is broken. Im a person whos privileged; I have a college education, I have a reasonable amount of money. Im not rich, but Im not poor; and Im a pit bull I dont give up. And even with me at the helm, we almost lost him in the shuffle many times. To get him hospitalized, to get them to take it seriously, to get them to listen, and then when they finally will acknowledge that hes sick and they give him a diagnosis, there are no beds, theres no treatment. One of the big problems with schizophrenia is that the medical profession regards it as an act of stabilizing the bad symptoms with medication, and then theyre basically done with them.

OK, so now hes not a problem to society. Hes not smashing things or running through the street screaming. So this is a success story; were done. What Ive been fighting for, for all these years of his adulthood, because hes 34 now, is continued treatment. He needs something to propel him into the next level. Because for me, its not OK that he sits in a dark apartment all day and doesnt make a problem for society. Ive evolved in this and in the beginning I used to worry about things like stigma. Now veterans like me with kids with serious mental illnesses, we all laugh at stigma. I want research, I want new medications, I want beds in the hospitals.

Streets and prisons have become the de facto mental health providers. And my position on this is that it is not good enough. These are our children. These people deserve a place in our world. Weve created this world, this society, this structure where theres no place for them. Weve decided they dont get to be here with the rest of us but theyre human beings. They have the same rights that everybody else has and to marginalize them and shove them into dark corners, its not acceptable.

When you drive down the street and you see these seriously sick people screaming on the street corners or rolling around in the gutters, thats not because thats what theyve chosen or thats what their moms have chosen for them, its because they had no recourse. And then you have a son like mine who sits alone in a dark apartment all day and the system calls that a success. I dont want to accept that.

You have described yourself as a pit bull, and in some ways Nick is lucky to have you as his mother because of this quality. But were you ever angry about how hard everything was? Because you too were going through a trauma, but in the book you never talk about that.

I had my moments. In the beginning I was out of control; I was drinking a lot at night, and I was in so much pain. I was doing whatever I could to just move forward. The first few years were bad, but now Im what I like to call pathologically functional. Whatever happens, Im the Energizer bunny; I pop up and I deal with it. But that doesnt mean it doesnt take its toll it doesnt mean I dont feel angry, it doesnt mean I dont feel pain. It doesnt mean I dont feel grief. Personally, anger is not an emotion that I find particularly useful, its just how Im wired.

A few years ago I just woke up one morning and I said, No, I havent fought this hard and worked this hard and gone through what Ive gone through to just throw in the towel. And I dont mean throw in the towel on success, I mean throw in the towel on joy.

Because it was just like this capitulation of, OK, theres just not going to be any more joy. This horrible thing happened to Nick and joy is done for me. And I just decided, Screw it, joy isnt done for me. And I became a writer, I wrote a book, I have these beautiful children, including Nick. I travel all over the world, I advocate for mental health. Im turning 65 in October and Im freaking on fire.

Im starting new paintings, I have all these ideas for paintings. Im already starting another book. Ive never felt this alive and this full of purpose because my purpose is Im an artist, I make art. And I really believe that art is pivotal to fighting the despair and the horribleness that were seeing around us right now. Thats my job, thats why Im here, and now I intend to be around another 25 years to do it. Ive got stuff to do.