When It Comes To Sexual Assault, #TheresNoPerfectVictim | HuffPost Women - Action News
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Posted: 2015-02-04T22:04:10Z | Updated: 2015-02-06T21:59:02Z

There is no such thing as a perfect rape victim.

People who report their experiences of sexual assault are subjected to constant questioning and scrutiny -- as if there is a certain way "real victims" should behave after being raped. In reality, people process trauma in myriad ways , and someone's reaction after being assaulted should not be used as "proof" that a rape didn't happen if it doesn't match up with the way society believes a victim "should" act.

Emma Sulkowicz, an activist who began carrying her mattress around Columbia's campus after the school refused to expel a student who she says raped her, has been vilified for contacting her rapist after he assaulted her -- apparently, her story is "less believable" because of it. Women who report that Bill Cosby assaulted them have been publicly criticized for not coming forward earlier.

In a Dec. 1 essay for TIME, Susan J. Brison highlighted the issues with how we treat rape victims when she explained why she reported one instance of being raped -- when she was assaulted by a stranger at knifepoint, beaten and left for dead -- but not another, when she was raped by an acquaintance in her dorm room.

"One was the best kind of rape, as far as my credibility as a victim was concerned," Brison wrote . "The other was the worst."

Today, feminist activists Julie Zeilinger and Wagatwe Wanjuki started the hashtag #TheresNoPerfectVictim to discuss the pressure survivors face, and the ways in which detractors try to discredit them.

There is no such thing as a perfect human being. Theres no perfect way to respond to rape. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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There is no such thing as a perfect human being. Theres no perfect way to respond to rape. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Wagatwe Wanjuki (@wagatwe) February 4, 2015

Here's what you need to know about rape victims, because there's no such thing as a "perfect" one:

Victims don't always immediately call 911. They may not report their assault at all, or choose to speak with the media instead of law enforcement.

Not calling police immediately is a common response from those who have been raped.It doesn't mean it didn't happen. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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Not calling police immediately is a common response from those who have been raped.It doesn't mean it didn't happen. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Victoria Brownworth (@VABVOX) February 4, 2015

Because not going to the police doesn't mean that it didn't happen. #TheresNoPerfectVictim http://t.co/x3QxV9csCx

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Because not going to the police doesn't mean that it didn't happen. #TheresNoPerfectVictim http://t.co/x3QxV9csCx

Pippa Biddle (@PhilippaBiddle) February 4, 2015

Survivors who report to media & not police do so bc of huge problems w/justice system, not bc they're \"bad victims\" #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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Survivors who report to media & not police do so bc of huge problems w/justice system, not bc they're "bad victims" #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Anne Thriault (@anne_theriault) February 4, 2015

Victims don't always cry or appear visibly upset.

People who are raped don't always cry or fall apart emotionally. Police and media still rely on these responses #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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People who are raped don't always cry or fall apart emotionally. Police and media still rely on these responses #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Soraya Chemaly (@schemaly) February 4, 2015

It's not up to us to judge how others process and express their trauma.It's up to us to listen to & support survivors #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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It's not up to us to judge how others process and express their trauma.It's up to us to listen to & support survivors #TheresNoPerfectVictim

jamiaw (@jamiaw) February 4, 2015

.@wagatwe I've seen this SO many times as hospital advocate. Smiles and laughing are a way to cope & handle things. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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.@wagatwe I've seen this SO many times as hospital advocate. Smiles and laughing are a way to cope & handle things. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Stacey (@runningfierce) February 4, 2015


Victims may not remember all the details of their assault.

\"But was it 10:46? 11:03? 11:19?
I don't remember.\" http://t.co/2wZiSqYFwS #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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"But was it 10:46? 11:03? 11:19?
I don't remember." http://t.co/2wZiSqYFwS #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Annie E. Clark (@aelizabethclark) February 4, 2015

Changing your story or misremembering details is a CLASSIC sign of trauma, not an attempt to fool people #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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Changing your story or misremembering details is a CLASSIC sign of trauma, not an attempt to fool people #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Anne Thriault (@anne_theriault) February 4, 2015


Victims may have been involved with their assailant before the assault.

Remember how marital rape is illegal in every state? Previous intimacy is irrelevant. https://t.co/ZQu3xfg3QC #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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Remember how marital rape is illegal in every state? Previous intimacy is irrelevant. https://t.co/ZQu3xfg3QC #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Julie Zeilinger (@juliezeilinger) February 4, 2015

Regardless of any interaction before or after the rape, rape is rape. #TheresNoPerfectVictim @juliezeilinger

Srividya Malladi (@karmanmaani) February 4, 2015


Victims may have been involved with their assailant after the assault.

survivors talk to their rapists & we see it as proof nothing happened, instead of someone desp. trying to rebuild #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Trip Eggert (@tripeggert) February 4, 2015

For 12 months after my boyfriend raped me, I stayed with him - even as he continued to rape me. I stand with Emma. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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For 12 months after my boyfriend raped me, I stayed with him - even as he continued to rape me. I stand with Emma. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Haylin Belay (@haylinnnnnn) February 4, 2015

True story: I texted my rapist after the fact too. Doesn't mean he didn't do it. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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True story: I texted my rapist after the fact too. Doesn't mean he didn't do it. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Zerlina Maxwell (@ZerlinaMaxwell) February 4, 2015

I stayed in relationships/friendships with rapists at points because sometimes that seemed easier than speaking out #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Trip Eggert (@tripeggert) February 4, 2015


Just because someone was drinking or doing drugs at the time of their assault doesn't mean they were "asking for it:"

When you drink, you're responsible for YOUR actions. Not the actions of what other people do. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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When you drink, you're responsible for YOUR actions. Not the actions of what other people do. #TheresNoPerfectVictim

cecelialorraine (@CeceliaLorraine) February 4, 2015

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although rape shield law exists, survivors are questioned about their drinking with the implication that drunk=slutty #TheresNoPerfectVictim

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although rape shield law exists, survivors are questioned about their drinking with the implication that drunk=slutty #TheresNoPerfectVictim

Kimya Forouzan (@kimyaf) February 4, 2015

This online conversation is a brutal look at how society treats rape victims -- and explains why so many victims are unwilling to come forward .

It's time for a change.

Need help? In the U.S., visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline operated by RAINN . For more resources, visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center's website .

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