As a transgender woman who transitioned in her mid-20s, I consider myself lucky. This phase of womanhood is incredible. That being said, I wish I could have dated as a girl during my teenage years. Every day, Im inundated with depictions of magical, carefree teen romances dotted with first kisses, first dates and even first heartbreaks that ultimately teach a person what they want from love. I feel robbed. Its that profound FOMO that ultimately led me to otome games, which are essentially Japanese dating sims and theyve given me the most unexpected joy.

In the story-based otome games such as Olympia Soire , Collar x Malice and Nil Admirari no Tenbin , for example, female protagonists meet love interests and experience positive or negative story conclusions via in-game decisions. I started playing them with no particular intention in mind (I bought Olympia Soire because the trailer was beautiful), but soon, Twitters otome game community, otometwt, opened up a new world for me.

I began to embrace the way I could virtually experience girlhood alongside the games heroines. When I saw them fall in love with the love interest, I felt my heart flutter. When I accidentally triggered a bad ending, Id cry with them. I saw a piece of myself that I never knew in these fictional heroines, and I felt a little relief.

After poking around in otome discussions online, I found that otome games provide a healthy sense of escapism for women in general, often because of the romance and storytelling elements. Lets say you just broke up with someone because they cheated on you: You can play a nice fluffy otome game and escape into a world where guys arent going to screw you over, U.K.-based YouTuber Luli (@PeachTheOtome ) tells me. (Luli, like other gamers quoted in this article, doesnt use her full name to identify herself online for security reasons.)

Washington, D.C.-based game reviewer Naja Beck, 31, (@BlerdyOtome ) says gaming helps her de-stress from her day job at a pharmaceutical science nonprofit, where she helps clients acclimate to the companys benefits and resources. My job is very much dealing with people and their problems, and I need a break, she says. [Otome games] gave me autonomy over the story, and how to proceed from start to finish. I play like a fairy godmother overseeing [the heroines] adventure, sprinkling nuggets of wisdom to help them on their way.

Luli and Beck, both cisgender women, describe how the games stir up the carefree, hope-filled feelings of youth. There are infinite possibilities [in girlhood], Beck says. Youre not jaded and you have the potential to do whatever you want.

Since living vicariously through these characters, as Ive learned, can be even more freeing for trans women, I wondered about the psychology behind why I love them. What is it about those first relationships that can determine how an individual processes romantic feelings in adulthood? And why would a transgender person feel a sense of loss if they didnt experience adolescent dating as their true gender identity?

Early adolescence dating experiences can affect development in multiple ways, Im told. If you have a positive dating experience, that can help you continue building healthy attachments and exploring yourself, like experiencing sex for the first time, says New York City-based social worker and therapist Laura Wu, who works with queer millennial and Gen Z individuals.

Adversely, she adds, abuse and traumatic experiences can have negative developmental effects. For many queer and transgender individuals, its the lack of positive formative dating experiences as ones authentic gender that can leave an emotional void.

I do think and I have seen TGNC folx who feel like theyve lost out [on adolescence] and they have to go through a second puberty, she says, speaking of transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals. And for some, otome games could theoretically target those feelings. My gaming experience has been therapeutic, but is that the case across the board?

I do think that with dating simulators, there are pros and cons, she says. I can imagine pros include [players] expressing [themselves] in a physically safer way than expressing yourself in person, and Im not saying that theres necessarily emotional safety.

Wu (or any good mental health expert, really) cant assert that dating simulators are healthy or unhealthy. Maybe [gamers] are living in an area where there arent a lot of out queer people, the dating pool is small, or live where being outed would affect their livelihood, she says. For these individuals, dating sims could offer a temporary mental escape. The games allow me to reimagine what life could have been if I transitioned earlier in life and therefore round out the experience Im having as a woman now.

It is safe to say that otome games offer a vehicle in which to play with gender. Lys, 26, a trans man gamer in the Midwest, plays otome games as a third-party observer rather than self-insertion (where players visualize themselves as the heroine). For me, otome games arent a form of escapism so much as a way to keep the connections I held dear as a teen still figuring themselves out, he says. While theres tension in my attachment to something stereotypically feminine that doesnt match how I see myself, I cant comfortably immerse myself in bishoujo games made for men either. For many players, the role a gamer plays can drastically change the gaming experience.