Rumor has it that perimenopause is a second puberty. But is the transition out of fertility really as challenging as the transition in?

If youre like many people who menstruate, that idea feels daunting. Research has linked female puberty with anxiety, stress and depression. Its easy to assume that perimenopause means not only similar emotional upheaval, but an end to your sex life.

One study showed that 69% of women glean much of their perimenopause information online. And while challenges leading up to your last period are real and worthy of support, messaging about perimenopause and sex seems deceptively negative. Low libido. Vaginal dryness. A sex life that shrivels up and dies.

Menopause has been medicalized to the point that its feared and avoided in sexual wellness conversations, noted Shannon Chavez , a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. As a result, theres little focus on how to embrace this sexual stage of life feeling empowered and ready, she said. Its often been viewed as an end of fertility and, therefore, an end of sexual relevance. Women are discouraged from exploring ways to adapt to sexual changes and thus are often convinced their desirability, vitality and sexuality decline with age, Chavez said.

Those ideas may become self-fulfilling, given that sex-related beliefs can affect sexual function . If you consider great sex impossible as your fertility wanes, why even try to enjoy it? Such beliefs could stand in the way of potential positives, including the best sex youve ever had (yes, really!).

Consider the following ways sex and intimacy can improve during perimenopause and beyond, according to experts.

1. Increased Desire For Sex

Many people report experiencing reduced libido during perimenopause, but plenty experience the opposite due to hormonal fluctuations. Gynecologist and menopause expert Dr. Heather Bartos sees this in her practice and pointed to other common reasons, like fewer parenting responsibilities at this stage of life and heightened personal growth.

You may finally feel now, in perimenopause, that youre reaching your full life potential and that is a very sexy feeling, she said. Given that the brain is the most powerful sex organ, she added, the ability to relax more in your 40s or 50s can bolster sexual desire. That may be one reason older women report having more satisfying sex than younger women.

2. A Shift In Your Desire Style

If you used to get turned on in a snap and now find that it takes more effort, youre experiencing responsive, versus spontaneous, desire. Its easy to mistake this common shift during perimenopause for low libido, but responsive desire isnt no libido. Its simply a different style.

More responsive desire can help you hone in on types of stimulation and connection you want, Chavez said, making way for more mindful and embodied sexual experiences as you value quality over quantity. You might prioritize certain types of touch, for example, or explore erotica or role-play for slower-to-build, fuller-body arousal. Research has linked mindfulness with increased mind and body arousal in women.

Responsive desire also encourages partners to examine what feels good during sex, said Chavez, while reducing performance anxiety. Sex becomes more meaningful and pleasurable without the goals and performative measures of what is expected, she added. So sex may be less about quickies toward orgasm and more about consciousness exploration.