Emotional abuse , unlike physical abuse, can be so subtle and insidious that friends, family and even the victims themselves may not recognize the toxic dynamics at play.

At first, the emotionally abusive partner may act in ways that appear loving and attentive on the surface all part of the grooming process to win over the victim. But this period doesnt last long: Soon, the perpetrator starts to employ abuse tactics such as insulting, criticizing, gaslighting, humiliating, stonewalling and withholding affection, to name a few , in order to gain power and establish control in the relationship.

These behaviors, which often happen behind closed doors, gradually weaken the victims self-confidence and self-worth, making them more vulnerable to future abuse.

Over time, the victim has become so mind-controlled that they are only a shell of their original self and spend all their time trying to figure out how to love the abuser better which never works, therapist Sharie Stines , who specializes in recovery from abuse , told HuffPost.

Weve previously written about the signs that you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship . But what does this type of toxic dynamic look like from the outside? Below, experts share potential warning signs that could indicate a friend or relative is the victim of emotional abuse.

1. Their partner talks down to them or shares hurtful or embarrassing stories about them in public

Your friends significant other may try to pass off rude or critical remarks as jokes, then accuse your friend of being too sensitive if they say it bothered them. Other times, your friend may even laugh along with their partner, acting like its no big deal, even though you can tell it hurt them deep down.

Even if these comments are supposedly said in a humorous way, putting someone down, especially if done in front of others, is disrespectful and is an expression of hostility, said psychotherapist Beverly Engel , author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship .

2. Your once-confident friend now seems insecure

Your pal used to be self-assured, but lately theyve been making a lot of uncharacteristically disparaging comments at their own expense.

Like, Im so stupid, I cant do anything right or I dont know whats wrong with me lately, Im so forgetful, Engel said. This could very well indicate that they are being emotionally abused by a partner who is extremely critical of them, who constantly blames them, or who has unreasonable expectations of a partner.

As a result of the gaslighting your loved one might have experienced in their relationship, they may begin to doubt their own judgment and abilities. You may notice this friend now has a hard time making simple decisions on their own.

They may struggle with deciding what to order at a restaurant or choosing clothing at a store, said Shannon Thomas , trauma therapist and author of Healing From Hidden Abuse . The more intense the emotional abuse, the greater the challenges are to making even basic decisions.

3. They blame themselves for anything that goes wrong and apologize profusely afterward

Theyll often say sorry for things that dont warrant an apology, like small mistakes or things that arent their fault.

Your friend is overly kind and frequently apologizing to you, just in case he/she does something wrong to make you upset, Stines said. This person has been conditioned to take the blame and be at fault for every little thing.

4. They never want to talk about their relationship

If your friend rarely mentions their partner or clams up and changes the subject when you ask how things are going in the relationship, that could be a sign theyre avoiding the issue for a reason.

This is because theyre ashamed and believe that if they dont talk about it, no one will find out and in some respects, it didnt happen, Stines said.

5. Their partner checks in on them constantly

Its normal for couples to keep each other in the loop about their schedules or plans for the day. But a partner who calls or texts demanding to know where their S.O. is and who theyre with at all times is controlling and possessive not caring and concerned.

You notice that when your loved one spends time with you, they are always in a hurry to get home, Engel said. They always make some excuse like: My husband isnt feeling well or We have a delivery coming. Their partner has even called you to ask if your loved one has left your house or the restaurant because they arent home yet.

Know that perpetrators of emotional abuse often try to isolate their victims from their friends and family . That way no one can bear witness to the abusive behaviors or give this person the support they need to end the relationship.

6. Your friends mood changes after they receive a call or text from their partner

When your friend gets off the phone with their S.O., you sense somethings wrong because their demeanor becomes tense or closed off.

You will see a shift in the victims body language, facial expressions or tone of voice after contact from the abuser, Thomas said.

7. Their partner has unfettered access to their accounts like email, online banking and social media

An emotionally abusive partner not only knows their partners passwords but uses them to log in to certain sites or apps as a way to keep tabs on them.

They may justify their actions by claiming that this is how they are building trust in the relationship, said clinical psychologist B. Nilaja Green . This can be problematic as it tells their partner that they are not allowed to have privacy in their relationship and it blurs emotional boundaries.

8. When you express your legitimate concerns, your friend dismisses them

Even with clear evidence that something is off in the relationship, victims will initially try to minimize and deflect attention away from the truth being revealed, Thomas said. As a family member or friend, its vitally important you dont also begin to believe the lies told by the victim or even the abuser.

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