Nobody warns you how excited youll be about orthopedic pillows in your 30s

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Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.

Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.

Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.

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Welcome to your 30s. You're continually stunned to find that 1998 was not 10 years ago.

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Getting lit in my 30s is eating a slice a pizza without taking Lactaid first.

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by your thirties you should have a pasta shape you vehemently despise for no particular reason. mines rotini.

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Nobody talks about Jesus' miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s

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Breakfast after a two drink night in your 30s pic.twitter.com/5WvFLsKRxb

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I can't believe how many foods are betraying me in my thirties. After everything we've been through together. There is no such thing as loyalty.

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You: \"I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me.\"

Sports Broadcaster: \"Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle.\"

Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) December 6, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Troy Johnson","author_url":"https://twitter.com/_troyjohnson","cache_age":86400,"description":"You: \"I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me.\"Sports Broadcaster: \"Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. 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Welcome to your 30s you genuinely say things like wow, I love your backsplash

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A bar whose whole gimmick is not playing loud music so people can hear each other and its called Your 30s so they can say welcome to Your 30s

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General pain in my 20s: \"Hmmm this is annoying.\"

General pain in my 30s: \"So, I guess this is how it all ends. I've had a good run.\"

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Avoid hangovers in your thirties by drinking 16 gallons of water for every glass of wine.

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as you approach your 30s its very very important that you acquire a boring interest that will develop into an obsession as you age. local water policy, shipping containers, composting, amateur geology, metal detectors, collecting old coins

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Me, age 20: I think Ill do a tour of Europe for the summer when Im in my 30s

Me, age 37: I splurged on the nice shower cap

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one thing they dont tell you enough about being in your thirties is that you can simply throw out your neck at any time and all it takes is looking one way too fast

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Welcome to your 30s, getting used to a new remote is now weirdly upsetting.

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Me:*Gets pulled up on stage at a concert in my thirties*

Lead Singer: Are you ready to rock?

Me: Ok, so that was right in my ear.

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Being in your 30s is weird because you wake up and out of nowhere you have a stiff neck and very strong opinions about architecture.

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Your 30s is when you go to remove the dark shadowy makeup around your eyes and then remember youre not wearing any.

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Being in your thirties doesn't mean you give up on having goals. It just means that most of them are probably going to involve laundry now.

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10s - has dreams
20s - has sex
30s - has a formidable collection of vegetable soup recipes

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Welcome to your 30s. TUMS now serve as after-dinner mints.

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Sorry Im so exhausted I recently made a new friend in my 30s.

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I guess being in my thirties means pausing the Hall and Oates song playing in my earbuds to listen to the Hall and Oates song playing over the grocery store speaker

Mara Get Rid of the Nazis Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 28, 2018","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Mara Get Rid of the Nazis Wilson","author_url":"https://twitter.com/MaraWilson","cache_age":86400,"description":"I guess being in my thirties means pausing the Hall and Oates song playing in my earbuds to listen to the Hall and Oates song playing over the grocery store speaker Mara Get Rid of the Nazis Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 28, 2018\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Mara Get Rid of the Nazis Wilson on 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reached down to pull out a loose hair from my shirt and instead found a 3 inch hair growing out of my boob; surprises in your thirties are overrated

That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 25, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"That Mom Tho","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mom_tho","cache_age":86400,"description":"reached down to pull out a loose hair from my shirt and instead found a 3 inch hair growing out of my boob; surprises in your thirties are overrated That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 25, 2020\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"That Mom Tho on 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[feels adventurous]

As a kid: *climbs a tree*

As a teen: *dyes hair*

In my 20s: *backpacks thru Europe*

In my 30s: *tries a new TV show*

Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 2, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jessie","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mommajessiec","cache_age":86400,"description":"[feels adventurous]As a kid: *climbs a tree*As a teen: *dyes hair* In my 20s: *backpacks thru Europe*In my 30s: *tries a new TV show* Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 2, 2019\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Jessie on 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Its crazy being in your mid-30s and having friends who are neurologists, award-winning writers, and CEOs and being like, Wow, I remember when that person was so drunk that we got kicked out of the Olive Garden in Times Square.

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My 20s: *drinks all the drinks, does all the drugs, has all the sex.

My 30s: *sits on the couch until it's no longer too early to go to bed

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Welcome to your 30s. You now have Home Advil and Purse Advil.

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