someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

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People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk

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shit! SHIT!! pic.twitter.com/d6MuYR4ILQ

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I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. Its whatever.

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whenever I feel highly anxious, I lay in bed for 5-6 hours and it does not help! Hope this helps

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When this is over and someone references the pandemic in casual conversation my plan is to pretend I have no idea what they're talking about and just sort of look puzzled and blankly stare.

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This is Piotr Patkowski, Polands deputy finance minister. He looks *extremely* like a 12-year-old playing dress up as a kids idea of a grown man. Hes 29. pic.twitter.com/KkCUsu3qMI

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point to ANY white man & tell me theyre bon iver, id 100% believe it

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people: good job

me: here are 3,405 reasons why i didnt think it was a good job

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this is my favourite piece of literary criticism of all time pic.twitter.com/mgssCzWbci

chloe ellen (@chloellene) March 13, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"chloe ellen","author_url":"https://twitter.com/chloellene","cache_age":86400,"description":"this is my favourite piece of literary criticism of all time pic.twitter.com/mgssCzWbci chloe ellen (@chloellene) March 13, 2021\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","thumbnail_height":328,"thumbnail_url":"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EwXNMbfWUAMx_pF.png:large","thumbnail_width":827,"title":"chloe ellen on 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I feel like we need to bring back some biting insults. So far I have dunce and numbskull on the docket.

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my body: something hurts
me: oh no! what's wrong?
my body: it's a secret ;)

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one year later and I still cant believe they lost it this hard barely one week into the pandemic https://t.co/YIErhobf0o

mulder its me, bailey (@been_herde) March 13, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"mulder its me, bailey ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/been_herde","cache_age":86400,"description":"one year later and I still cant believe they lost it this hard barely one week into the pandemic https://t.co/YIErhobf0o mulder its me, bailey (@been_herde) March 13, 2021\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"mulder its me, bailey on 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Im not ugly but if you see me on my moms fb then idk what to tell you

HYBRID (@HybridOriginal_) March 15, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"HYBRID","author_url":"https://twitter.com/HybridOriginal_","cache_age":86400,"description":"Im not ugly but if you see me on my moms fb then idk what to tell you HYBRID (@HybridOriginal_) March 15, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"HYBRID on 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Thrilled to announce that Ive given up

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I miss walking out of a theater after watching a movie and feeling like i just got back to reality from another dimension

(@Luh_Scoop) March 16, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":" ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Luh_Scoop","cache_age":86400,"description":"I miss walking out of a theater after watching a movie and feeling like i just got back to reality from another dimension (@Luh_Scoop) March 16, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":" on 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explain Andy Milonakis to gen z, you cant

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Its my momma being my biggest hype woman >> but also my biggest critique pic.twitter.com/RsvCJNAByJ

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*comes home from shopping*
no one:
me: ok Ill show you what I got

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me: its cold outside

person from Chicago: Im from Chicago

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