Thanks to parenting, I'm doing St. Patrick's Day backwards. I spent the afternoon in tears, then started drinking.

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All these parents taking pictures of their kids in cute St. Patrick's Day outfits and I can't even get mine to keep pants on.

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\"Mom, why'd you make us a St Patrick's Day penis?\"

Screw you Pinterest. #StPatricksDay pic.twitter.com/C9uYk1HNzN

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I used to spend St. Patrick's Day emptying as many bottles as possible. Tonight I'm doing everything possible to get my baby to empty one.

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2 of my kids' birthdays are in late December so I'm basically not allowed to drink on St. Patrick's Day anymore.

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Me: \"Do you want to wear green for St. Patrick's Day?\"
4yo: \"No, just orange and brown. And white and black. And red. And purplish-blue.\"

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Happy St. Patrick's Day from a guy who is reliable w THE LADIES!

(Sorry but that's all I think of when I see this.) pic.twitter.com/1870KswHjT

Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 17, 2016","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Dad and Buried","author_url":"https://twitter.com/DadandBuried","cache_age":86400,"description":"Happy St. Patrick's Day from a guy who is reliable w THE LADIES!(Sorry but that's all I think of when I see this.) pic.twitter.com/1870KswHjT— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 17, 2016\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Dad and Buried on 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So what if I have three kids?

I'm still going to party hard on St. Patrick's Day.

*drinks milk and watches \"Finding Nemo\"*

James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2015","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"James Breakwell","author_url":"https://twitter.com/XplodingUnicorn","cache_age":86400,"description":"So what if I have three kids?I'm still going to party hard on St. Patrick's Day.*drinks milk and watches "Finding Nemo"*— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2015\n","provider_name":"Twitter","title":"James Breakwell on 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6yo son: I'm wearing green for St. Patrick's Day.

Me: Oh cool!

6yo: I'm not Irish. I just don't wanna get pinched.

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Dear Preschool: Thanks for giving my kid that sugary St Patrick's Day cupcake. The evening of sugar-fueled tantrums has been fun. #sarcasm

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I put a green bow in my baby's hair for St. Patrick's Day, and a Pinterest account auto-created for me.

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\"You're such a fun mom!\"
Translation: \"Stop crafting rainbows and hiding gold around the house on St. Patrick's day like a crazy person\"

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When you're a parent, EVERY DAY might as well be St. Patrick's Day: You're gonna be groped by someone who seems drunk regardless of the date

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What kind of monster convinces their kids that a Leprechaun brings them presents on St. Patrick's day?

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\"But on YouTube the Elf on the Shelf came back on St. Patrick's Day!\"

This is some bullshit.

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He ALSO wasn't thrilled about wearing green. Happy St. Patrick's Day: pic.twitter.com/1eJeqebKBj

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Started new St. Patrick's Day tradition of dumping an entire Shamrock Shake on each son to wake them up this morning.

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As a special treat for St. Patrick's Day, my kids will get to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast.
Just kidding. They eat them every morning.

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I adore the St. Patrick's Day tradition of fighting your whole family on the front lawn after sundown.

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Coworker: St. Patrick's Day is coming up!!
Me: Um. Ok.
Coworker: I just like having an excuse to drink.
Me: You don't have kids, do you?

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