I love you, youre perfect, but could you please wear a mask more often?

In the age of coronavirus , many couples have been getting into arguments about their exposure comfort level and their willingness to take risks: Should we rent a nearby Airbnb for a staycation or stick it out at home? Should we let the kids go back to school or keep on home-schooling ? Should we let our parents come over or just FaceTime them again? Should we dine on a patio at a local restaurant or is it still too unsafe?

How to deal with the stress of the restrictions and mandates is coming up with everyone, but especially couples, said Kurt Smith , a therapist in Roseville, California.

In the last few months, Smith has heard it all as it relates to COVID-19: spouses who arent on the same page with their risk analysis, couples fighting over how to keep their kids safe, partners debating how to stay financially afloat as mortgage payments and credit card bills come in.

Quite a few people are dealing with having less income than they had earlier in the year, Smith said. Ive had patients whove had their hours cut, lost jobs, or have chosen not to work.

Last week, one client told Smith that shes resistant to going back to work as a teachers aide, worried that shell get sick if she goes in. Her husband is understanding but after five months of being the sole financial provider for the family, hes getting less patient.

The loss of family income and her unwillingness to consider any other option than stay at home and wait this out hasnt gone over well with her husband, Smith said. Hes trying to be supportive, but the decision not to work makes him feel they arent a team in this area.

Masks are a particularly prickly subject for couples. (No surprise, since studies have shown that men are more likely to opt out than women, believing masks to be shameful, a sign of weakness and not cool. This, despite the data showing that men are at higher risk than women of dying from the coronavirus.)

A guy told me yesterday that he and his wife were fighting this week about wearing a mask, Smith said. Where, when, how often are common conflicts between partners over masks as individuals see the risks differently. Another couple fought about the purchase of masks not about buying them, but about what kind and how much to spend.

Many couples arent equipped to handle the sustained stress the pandemic has brought, especially if their communication skills were lacking in healthier times.

Relationships that were not in a good place before the coronavirus have been really hit hard by the stay-at-home orders and months and months of restrictions, Smith said.