Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
My husband and I have decided to start planning an international trip together because we haven't had a good passive aggressive fight over nothing in a while.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 3, 2024
me: did you see the video I sent you
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 2, 2024
my husband:
me:
my husband: I saw that you sent it
My wife and I are currently on day three of a silent argument of who is going to clean the lasagna pan that's soaking next to the sink.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 7, 2024
My husband went all over town looking for eclipse glasses and finally came home and triumphantly held up two pairs like a lion delivering an animal carcass to his pride.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 8, 2024
Anyone else do that fun married couple thing where if one of you goes up to bed early, the other one is incapable of being an adult and stays up way too late?
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) April 4, 2024
Went to add something to the grocery list on my wifes phone when I saw this pic.twitter.com/dXLEU1v7Gy
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 3, 2024
Dating does nothing to prepare you for the stage of marriage when youre annoyed with how loudly they turn on the light.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 7, 2024
WIFE: *reading headline* Bird flu in America
— F NF (@sofarrsogud) April 6, 2024
ME: *not looking up from my phone* Birds fly in every country, Sharon.
My wife said something about her jeans being too tight while we were driving on a dirt road and now we are nominated for a Country Music Award.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 8, 2024
wife: I just felt the earth move
— Dad Moon Rising (@raoulvilla) April 5, 2024
*looking in mirror
me: still got it
I don't complain about my husband here for the likes. I do it so that my complaints can show up on the websites he reads.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 4, 2024
Watching the Womens NCAA games with the wife. Me, trying to impress her:
— N.J. Gallegos and the half priced Cadbury Eggs (@DrSpooky_ER) April 6, 2024
I made a free throw once in middle school.
It's my wife's job to tell me our exit is 2 miles away when we pass a big sign that says our exit is 2 miles away.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 7, 2024
My husband went to the craft store with my kid and brought home three containers of glitter, in case youre wondering why I changed the locks
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 2, 2024
Husband: Where are you going?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 3, 2024
Me: I have to run a quick errand.
Husband: You're going to the store to buy dessert and eat it in the car so you dont have to share it with the kids?
Me: Maybe.
Husband: Let me grab my wallet.
Watching bowling on TV is incredibly boring, but then my husband was like, Let me explain bowling while we watch and OMG HE MADE IT WORSE!
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 6, 2024
I was awoken this morning by my husband screaming the F word, flying out of bed, and then driving away from the house 12 seconds later. I still have no explanation for this. I don't think he even had a shirt on.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 5, 2024
my wife just came in, grabbed a wine glass and filled it with whiskey and walked off. I feel that.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 3, 2024
Me: What do you want to do for dinner?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 8, 2024
Him: I don't care, what do you want?
Me: Doesn't matter, whatever you want.
Him: I don't care.
*Repeat forever, until one of you dies
You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of all the free time you clearly have
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 7, 2024
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make even as little as $2 goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.