One-upmanship should never factor into holiday gift-giving , but for far too many families, it does.

Kurt Smith , a therapist in Roseville, California, sees this toxic dynamic play out every holiday season with his clients.

Many people turn gift-giving into a measurement of their success and value, rather than what its supposed to be which is an expression of love and gratitude, he said. When this happens, gift-giving becomes a recipe for disaster.

It doesnt help that people sometimes believe that you can show someone how much you love them by buying a pricey present.

It makes me think of an episode of The Office where Michael Scott defines gift-giving as I love you this many dollars worth, Smith said. Its funny, but also sadly true for far too many of us.

How do you know if competition has become a problem in your family or learn to control your inner Michael Scott if youre the problem? Heres what Smith and other family therapists said.

Signs that gift-giving has become toxic:

You buy presents based on how Instagram-worthy they are.

In the age of Oprahs Favorite Things and ungodly priced presents from Goops annual gift guide , showy gifts have become almost the norm in some families. And social media can encourage bad choices: You dont want to buy just any gift; you want to buy a gift thats worthy of being posted on the gram (or at least someones Instagram story).

Thats definitely an influence, said Kristin Davin , a psychologist in New York City. People think, How can I do better than the person I see on social media with all the great and creative gifts? Someone will post something and then people start to feel less than or that they cant give great gifts. But honestly, if you think like this, how can you keep up? Its impossible.