This essay includes spoilers for the Season 19 finale of Greys Anatomy.

Before the 19th season finale of Greys Anatomy aired Thursday night, I thought it might be my last. Dont worry. It wasnt the series finale. Greys is returning in the fall for its 20th season. I just wasnt sure Id be tuning in again.

Ive been watching Greys since I was 12, which means Ive watched a lot of season finales. Ive been with the characters since Addisons arrival at the end of Season 1 and all of the end-of-season cliffhangers that followed, including the infamous prom, the deadly plane crash, the storms, the car crashes and the many weddings (along with the almost weddings).

Greys has been my show year after year, and Ive watched it with my people. In high school, I watched on the couch with my mom. In college, I called her as soon as the episode ended. After college, I watched the TGIT lineup (Scandal, Greys Anatomy, and How to Get Away with Murder) every week with two of my best friends. Then, in the fall of 2018, when my mom was dying of cancer , I drove to her house to watch with her every Thursday night. The last time I remember her getting out of bed was when she sat next to me on the couch to watch the midseason finale 2018. It aired exactly a month before she died.

For almost two decades, Greys has been an important part of my life, a touchstone during the best and worst parts of growing up. Its voiceovers, dialogue and vernacular have also shaped how I see the world. This is why, as friends and family have given up on the show over the years, I have remained steadfast in my viewership.