Are you there, unoccupied surface space? Its me, one of my wifes hair ties.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 3, 2024

Sometimes, just for laughs, I text my husband, Where are you? Ive been waiting 20 minutes! even though hes literally in the next room. He doesnt find it nearly as amusing as I do.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 1, 2024

You call it Halloween, I call it the anniversary of finding out my husband thinks the candy is called

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2024

Wife and I are having a little dinner/target date night. When we got to Target I asked if she made a list. Her response was no we are going to let Target tell us what we need.

Pray for me yall.

— Barred and Bearded (@RileeDHarrison) November 2, 2024

Me: Which Crocs match these sweatpants? Pokmon or American Flag?

Wife: Miranda Priestly would absolutely hate you.

— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky (@DrSpooky_ER) November 2, 2024

You think you know your husband then out of nowhere find out that hes weirdly proficient in Excel.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) November 4, 2024

Traveling alone is wonderful because that way I can have my husband at home in case I need to FaceTime my dog

— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) October 29, 2024

When my mother-in-law responds to my text messages she either replies immediately or a few weeks later, there is no in between

— Dad Moon Rising (@raoulvilla) November 1, 2024

My husband watched some YouTube video and wants us to adopt a healthy lifestyle where breakfast is a bowl of cauliflower and broccoli drizzled with olive oil.

So I'm obviously leaving him now.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) November 3, 2024

My husband wants to know why the kids are his and not ours when they do something wrong, as if I make the rules.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) November 2, 2024

My wife just asked me to install a new shower head and I feel like I'm training my replacement.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 1, 2024

you know you've given the husband a bad chore when he tries to get out of it by doing dishes

— nika (@nikalamity) November 1, 2024

I don't want to scare anyone, but my husband is coming down with a cold

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 31, 2024

My husband told me I needed a shapeup and said I had the Gene Hackman hairline. #romance

— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) November 2, 2024

About 30% of my marriage is convincing my husband something was his idea so I dont have to do it.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) October 29, 2024

Having your own bed while married is crazygot my body plopped in the middle-remote on one sideipad on the otherbag of snickers over yonder

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) October 29, 2024

remember that time I ruined my husbands proposal because it was cold and I refused to go walk down and look at the lake

anyone else play themselves

— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) November 3, 2024

Maybe youre not really passive aggressive, maybe youre just married.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) October 29, 2024

I sent my husband out with a list of stuff I needed, and he actually came home with everything I asked for. I dont know whether to be impressed or suspicious. Im going to need a minute to process.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 4, 2024

Where's the butter?

-my husband, holding the butter

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 4, 2024