There needs to be a word for the subtle hints you drop into conversation with the other parents on a play date to try and figure out if theyre normal or not

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Sometimes a tooth falls out right before bedtime, and this is outside of the tooth fairy's normal retrieval window because she needs to go to the bank

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My daughter has been experimenting with her own versions of easy, peezy, lemon squeezy and today she said easy, crazy, mountain skeleton and thats gonna be tough to beat

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The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.

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One nice thing about childcare is it helps uncover your childrens scams. My 3yo, who always insists I cut up her sandwiches, looked like Id caught her hosting a kegger when I walked in to find her taking a big bite of a whole grilled cheese.

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I just told my daughter, Its 11:11 make a wish! To which she replied, My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because its 11:17.

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12 is a wild age because one minute theyre hanging out downtown with buddies and the next theyre asking for official confirmation that the Tooth Fairy isnt real.

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My 4 yo son, walking into my office, \"Are you still working?\"

\"Yeah, bud.\"

\"How many more buttons do you have to press?\"

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Painting with my 6-year-old daughter today. She hands me a brush.

Her: Remember it's okay if it's not perfect.

Me: thanks baby

Her: Mine will probably be close though because I've watched a lot more Bob Ross than you.

Me: Oh.

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Took my daughter to Disney land and after spending an exhausting day doing rides and gift shops we asked her what her favorite part was and she said the bus was pretty cool. The bus ride. To get into the park. That was her favorite.

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as a teen: hiding in the shed drinking warm cheap beer

as a dad: hiding in the shed drinking cold craft beer

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Took Ben (14 months) to the doctor today bc he hurt his finger (he will be OK ) and he was amazingly chill about it. When the doctor held out a gloved hand to examine Ben's hand, Ben stared at him for a moment and then solemnly laid a fistful of cheerios in the doctor's palm.

Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 30, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Amy Colleen","author_url":"https://twitter.com/sewistwrites","cache_age":86400,"description":"Took Ben (14 months) to the doctor today bc he hurt his finger (he will be OK ) and he was amazingly chill about it. When the doctor held out a gloved hand to examine Ben's hand, Ben stared at him for a moment and then solemnly laid a fistful of cheerios in the doctor's palm. 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My 5yo is very sad that she doesnt have enough legs to be a giraffe. Thoughts and prayers at this difficult time please

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I'm just a 41 yo Dad standing in front of this card terminal with no idea if I'm supposed to slide, tap or insert.

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My 4yo is still not a big fan of his little sister and I just walked in on him messing with our digital picture frame. What are you doing? I asked him. And he was like Deleting all the pictures of Winnie.

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my toddler was sleeping on the floor next to his converted crib daybed so i got him a big kid bed and uh pic.twitter.com/JZepxRdMeb

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My 6yo just popped up out of nowhere and asked for a hammer, so I'm sure that's fine

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There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and my kids have lost the fking remote again.

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Ive never been to hell before but I have had all my kids in the car complaining that theyre thirsty.

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No one tells you the stuff your daughter needs for her first dorm room costs eleventy billion dollars.

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