13yo asked for a bulletin board and I assumed it was for, like, school things, so I got him one while he was at camp. He came back, saw it, and said oh great, I can use that to keep track of my conspiracy theories. Im going to need some red string.

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I burned my son waffle just a lil bit and every 2 mins he holds it up to me saying look .. i see it goddammit

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Mommy you need on your cute shirt. That shirt is not cute - a 3 yo with her sandals on the wrong feet

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I try to ask my child questions instead of directly telling him things. I guess he's picked up on it because yesterday a little voice from the back asked me \"mama, what is the speed limit here?\" and when I failed to take action he followed up patiently, \"is 68 bigger than 65?\"

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I know kids process grief and death differently and oh boy do I hope everyone who heard my 3yo yelling we will never see grandpa again! He is not going to come back! From the swingset at the park last night also knows this

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My kid getting ready to step on my last nerve pic.twitter.com/HcbbiQMXif

meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"My kid getting ready to step on my last nerve pic.twitter.com/HcbbiQMXif meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on Twitter / 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My number one tip for parenting a wild and unruly preschooler is to dress them as adorably as possible, lean into the overalls, if they will wear a cape or cat ears even better. Harder for people (including yourself) to get mad at a kid in cat ears

sarah (@sarahradz_) August 14, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"sarah","author_url":"https://twitter.com/sarahradz_","cache_age":86400,"description":"My number one tip for parenting a wild and unruly preschooler is to dress them as adorably as possible, lean into the overalls, if they will wear a cape or cat ears even better. 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My 9yo freaked that her t-shirt had a crease in it and wanted it ironed so what Im saying is pick your partners carefully because sometimes you give birth to them

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my daughter just announced to me her favorite subject is math & I'm totally aghast.

girl, there are not FIVE degrees in English literature between your parents for you to like math. please.

Alicia Andrzejewski, PhD, she/her (@aliciaandrz) August 14, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Alicia Andrzejewski, PhD, she/her","author_url":"https://twitter.com/aliciaandrz","cache_age":86400,"description":"my daughter just announced to me her favorite subject is math & I'm totally aghast.girl, there are not FIVE degrees in English literature between your parents for you to like math. please. 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I tell the kids that if they ever get lost to just find an Amazon truck and follow it because there's a pretty good chance it's coming to our house.

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My 9yo wanted to be a doctor but now he wants to be an Australian breakdancer. Thanks, Olympics.

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my 10 year old son is about to start trombone lessons this year at school.

his band teacher's intro email has me howling! pic.twitter.com/4o2XSQKF7v

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I dont really ever worry about being kidnapped because my 6yo would just find me and ask for a snack.

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If you are a parent of a child under 3, this is like Pacino and De Niro doing Heat. https://t.co/gSOEhedEI2

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When my kid was 3 it was endless tantrums and now hes 4 and its endless arguing. Honestly not sure which is worse??? I cant spend all day arguing with the smallest lawyer in history, Im too dumb

Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 15, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Lucy Huber","author_url":"https://twitter.com/clhubes","cache_age":86400,"description":"When my kid was 3 it was endless tantrums and now hes 4 and its endless arguing. Honestly not sure which is worse??? 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I regret to inform you my family benefits greatly from being on vacation and therefore I will be withdrawing from all other life responsibilities from this day forth kthxbye

That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 11, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"That Mom Tho","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mom_tho","cache_age":86400,"description":"I regret to inform you my family benefits greatly from being on vacation and therefore I will be withdrawing from all other life responsibilities from this day forth kthxbye That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 11, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"That Mom Tho on Twitter / 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Trying to decide on a school portrait package thats somewhere between I care but I dont need my sons face on a kitchen towel.

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Some days I do well playing sports with my kids.

Other days my wife watches and has to shout at the kids, \"Daddy's old! Stop making him run so fast!!\"

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Kids are wonderful and will leave many lasting impressions. My kids for example, made and left many crayon lines on the walls around the house.

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Bring your own tools. Dont be the dad on college move in day working with the tiny wrench that came with the dresser.

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I asked my 6 year old if he wanted to try out again for the school play and he said no I think Ill take a break from Hollywood.

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I suggest to my kid that she could leave her purse at home as she goes to spend the weekend at her grandparents house.

No, my money is in it.

What could you possibly need money for at Grammys house?

In case I need to make a bet

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My 6-year-old is looking at pictures of me when I was 18 and she keeps saying \"You still look the same!\" Might write her siblings out of the will and leave everything to her idk

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