My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
I asked her, \"How small?\"
She replied,
\"Just you, me, and the principal.

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me: did you have fun on your playdate?

my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?

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I left my wallet in the car and asked my 9yo if I could borrow $3. He gone say look at me carrying this family on my back.

Boy

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my kid came home from toddler gymnastics with a truly breathtaking item pic.twitter.com/vE97lGLFkM

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so much of parenthood is pointing out to a baby that the thing theyre asking for is in fact already on their highchair tray

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4 year old has a new bit where he pretends to have a fatal scooter accident. its very funny but the other patrons of the farmers market seemed alarmed pic.twitter.com/MTBjbvRAzm

pipperberry (@pippercorn) September 8, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"pipperberry ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/pippercorn","cache_age":86400,"description":"4 year old has a new bit where he pretends to have a fatal scooter accident. its very funny but the other patrons of the farmers market seemed alarmed pic.twitter.com/MTBjbvRAzm pipperberry (@pippercorn) September 8, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"pipperberry on Twitter / 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me: *has a day off*

my kid: *coughs*

me: no

meghan (@deloisivete) September 12, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"me: *has a day off*my kid: *coughs*me: no meghan (@deloisivete) September 12, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on Twitter / 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My 15 yo packed 0 underwear for this 8 day vacation.

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Telling my son he cant stay home from school for no reason even though when I was his age Id blow dry my forehead and tell my mom I had a fever.

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My son said he has an idea for a movie called Tornado Watchers. He said \"it's basically just a copy of the movie Twisters.\" I feel like he has what it takes to make it in Hollywood.

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*Hour 3 in the trampoline park*

My oldest has said watch this 212 times

My youngest is running wild in a pack of feral six-year-olds

A woman screams in the distance Jaden, Jaxon

There is still no bar

meghan (@deloisivete) September 8, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"meghan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deloisivete","cache_age":86400,"description":"*Hour 3 in the trampoline park*My oldest has said watch this 212 times My youngest is running wild in a pack of feral six-year-olds A woman screams in the distance Jaden, Jaxon There is still no bar meghan (@deloisivete) September 8, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"meghan on Twitter / 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Having kids is fun because you get to relive all your childhood diseases together

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Frustrated with my 23 y/o daughter I said, \"God, give me patience\" and she replied, \"when you ask for patience, God doesn't magically give it to you. He gives you opportunities, like this one, to become more patient\" and now she's grounded until she's 40

Dad Moon Rising (@raoulvilla) September 10, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":" Dad Moon Rising ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/raoulvilla","cache_age":86400,"description":"Frustrated with my 23 y/o daughter I said, \"God, give me patience\" and she replied, \"when you ask for patience, God doesn't magically give it to you. 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My 19mo baby learned one full sentence and it is \"I want BLANK too\" so now any time the older kid gets anything she can scream \"I WANT COOKIES TOO\" or whatever, otherwise she can barely talk and truly children are so inspiring.

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Forget packing a hospital bag for your first baby, instead write a list of everything \"you'll never do\" as a parent. Makes a fun drinking game on their first birthday

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It's all fun and games and \"let the children explore their environment, uninhibited \" until the 1-year-old finds a tampon in your purse and runs around with it screaming for you to open it for him because he thinks it's a string cheese

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I miss the person I was before my kids started using the word skibidi.

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Every school email takes parents a step closer to couples therapy

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My 6yo told me just before bed she had a quiz the next day so when I questioned why she didnt tell me when I asked her if she had homework earlier she said You asked me if I had homework, not a quiz, duh.

In other news, theres a kid on sale on eBay.

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