I made my kids watch Airplane and they didnt think it was funny and I just dont know where to go from here.

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We told my 4yr old I was pregnant and she was NOT happy about it. After she cried in her bed she came downstairs hands on hips and asked in the most accusatory tone And where exactly is this new baby gonna sleep? like we were two teens who hadnt thought this pregnancy through

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driving and conversing in the car with my child then she says simon says just drive dont talk gagged tf out of me

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taught my son how to call me on the phone and in the last 5 minutes hes called me 6 times even though were in the house together and the sixth time was to ask me when halloween is

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Every year I get excited to watch Hocus Pocus with my kids and every year I forget virgins are mentioned 100 times throughout it

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Why go to your local supermarket to buy pumpkins when you could drive 45 minutes to a pumpkin patch and pay 10x while everyone has a meltdown and complains

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the thing about having a toddler is that sometimes you open the dryer and there are 20 cans of cat food in it pic.twitter.com/uJC0NIkV2s

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A haunted house, but its just my kids loading the dishwasher with mugs that arent dishwasher safe.

krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 8, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"krista pacion","author_url":"https://twitter.com/kristabellerina","cache_age":86400,"description":"A haunted house, but its just my kids loading the dishwasher with mugs that arent dishwasher safe. krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 8, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"krista pacion on Twitter / 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Terrible news. My 9yo has informed us that she's \"allergic to chores.\"

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my teenager came out into the living room and is sitting here with me. Idk what to do. What's happening. Is this the twilight zone? does he know he's not in his room?

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brother-in-law: guess how many miles I cycled today?

my 10yo: I don't know, 4000?

him: no, 100.

10: oh, well hang in there and keep practicing!

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Thanked a rival dad at the neighborhood chili cook off for making his mild so my kids could have some.

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My 4-year-old just monologued at me for 25 minutes, paused, and then said \"Can I tell you something?\"

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Im going to open a kids restaurant in Napa and call it Whine Country.

@itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 10, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"@itssherifield","author_url":"https://twitter.com/itssherifield","cache_age":86400,"description":"Im going to open a kids restaurant in Napa and call it Whine Country. @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 10, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"@itssherifield on Twitter / 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Me: So your birthday is coming up and you get to choose what we have for dinner that night.
My 5yo: HMM WHAT IS THAT GOOD MEAT?
Me: Im not sure, maybe
5: STEAK. I WILL HAVE STEAK.

Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) October 10, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Courtney Ellis ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/courtneyellis","cache_age":86400,"description":"Me: So your birthday is coming up and you get to choose what we have for dinner that night.My 5yo: HMM WHAT IS THAT GOOD MEAT?Me: Im not sure, maybe5: STEAK. I WILL HAVE STEAK. 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My son woke me up at 2am to let me know he was awake, if youre wondering if kids might be for you.

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Its a real blow to the ego when your 9yo starts helping you with their math homework.

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My kids: this plain white rice is too spicy, I wont eat it!

Also my kids: we need more Takis and make sure the pizza has extra pepperoni

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Showed my 9yo a Facebook photo memory of her as a baby with my wife and a donkey which I captioned And I will unfriend you if you make a silly joke about me.

She didnt get it. So I took her for a DNA test. She cant possibly be mine.

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Marked safe from financial ruin by convincing my kid to make a birthday card for a classmate instead of buying one

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