Every year on my birthday my daughter asks how old I am and then cries and tells me she doesnt want me to die so thats a fun tradition

Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 15, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Katie D","author_url":"https://twitter.com/KatieDeal99","cache_age":86400,"description":"Every year on my birthday my daughter asks how old I am and then cries and tells me she doesnt want me to die so thats a fun tradition Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 15, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Katie D on Twitter / 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5, explaining how he recovered from a tantrum: I just cried a little in my bed, but then I did a quick Macarena and now Im feeling okay

Frances Klein (@fklein907) October 13, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Frances Klein","author_url":"https://twitter.com/fklein907","cache_age":86400,"description":"5, explaining how he recovered from a tantrum: I just cried a little in my bed, but then I did a quick Macarena and now Im feeling okay Frances Klein (@fklein907) October 13, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Frances Klein on Twitter / 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actual exchange on \"Love is Blind\":

her: \"I don't want to be a stay-at-home-mom, but I'm potentially open to you staying home with the kids?\"

him: \"yeah, I work remotely so I'm gonna be home anyway, I don't mind watching the kids.\"

lol. lmao.

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4yo has never been overly original in toy-naming; his T. Rex is named Rexy, his stegosaurus is Steggy, his triceratops is Triceratopsy, his stuffed dog is Puppy. He now has a new triceratops and to differentiate between the two has decided to invoke the animal's prominent horn.

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A little bit of my body is a shark

-my 6yo explaining cartilage

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I was enjoying building a Lego set with my son until my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said he left for school an hour ago.

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Took my kids to breakfast and the server was taking our order and my 20 month old goes I want French fries and she wrote it down???? Maam she is 1.

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Buy as many parenting books as you want but none of them will prepare you for dealing with statements like Yuck, the green beans are too green!

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When they said kids were expensive I was like pffft ya ok I'm good at thrifting and mending and we live near a library ...I forgot about the part where spending money delights them and I live to please my tiny overlords

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We went thru my kid's iPad. My wife is upset but \"Latina twerk compilation\" has me crying tears.

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*4yr old watching beauty and the beast*

Does the princess marry the bison?

THE BISON

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Kids be like its bedtime lemme just tell you a 45 minute story about a waterfall and then I have to poop.

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kids clothing resellers will be like, heavily used and stained zara onesie - $30 get a fucking life

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Shoutout to the moms with giant purses / bags holding all our sweaters since it was cold this morning but now its so hot at the pumpkin patch we are baking like pies.

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15 passed his driver's permit test today. so going forward this will now be a parent horror-comedy account.

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My 5yo: WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO FLIRT?
Me: *explains*
5: I WILL NOT BE DOING THAT WITH ANYONE

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Im going to tell people theyve put on weight while handing them a plate of food, so I can be my mom for Halloween.

Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) October 16, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Ousa Medusa","author_url":"https://twitter.com/MedusaOusa","cache_age":86400,"description":"Im going to tell people theyve put on weight while handing them a plate of food, so I can be my mom for Halloween. 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Me and my daughters all had meltdowns today and my husband was like yeah the full moon makes you guys weird lmao

Tiger Lily (@okahomadude) October 16, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Tiger Lily","author_url":"https://twitter.com/okahomadude","cache_age":86400,"description":"Me and my daughters all had meltdowns today and my husband was like yeah the full moon makes you guys weird lmao Tiger Lily (@okahomadude) October 16, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Tiger Lily on Twitter / 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