Poo, Puke And Pissed-Up Punters: Waiters And Waitresses Reveal Their Most WTF Stories

If you’ve worked in a restaurant, it’s highly likely you have a story about a difficult, stroppy, or plain awkward customer. It’s part of the job. There’s just something about going out to eat – and, oh yes, alcohol – that seems to invite a strange level of behaviour. 

And let’s not forget that carrying steaming hot plates to tables of hungry customers in a mad rush isn’t always easy – so some of the most cringeworthy stories come from what staff have done themselves. Waiters know only too well the “Oooooh!” sound that sweeps the restaurant when a plate is dropped.

To prove you’re really not alone with your weird and wonderful tales, we asked HuffPost UK readers to share their most bizarre experiences – and they did not disappoint. 

The Constant Complainer

“I was a waiter at a French Bistro during the Christmas period. We had a table call to request a table at 9pm on Christmas Eve, but they were politely told we seated our last table at 8pm. They weren’t happy. They got in touch with head office, who then made us keep the restaurant open to accommodate them. On the day, they showed up at 9pm, being the only customers in the entire restaurant, and everything seemed to go okay. 

“After Christmas, however, they wrote a complaint saying that although the food was nice and the service fine, they were disappointed in the complete lack atmosphere, that the restaurant was empty and that they felt like they were unwelcome!” - Rik

The Sickly Roast

“Once, a regular customer came in for her Sunday lunch, like she did every week. This day, though, she didn’t seem as chatty. Once I’d given her the roast, I checked back to see if everything was okay with the food, and she politely nodded. A few minutes later, a customer nearby told me, ‘that lady has just thrown up on her dinner plate’. Later on, when I went to clear said plate, I expected the woman to say something, but she didn’t. She had covered the food and sick with a mountain of napkins – and I had to carry it back into the kitchen and clear it all. I gagged.” - Kira

The Lemon Debacle

“Someone literally poured a drink on my shoes when I asked them to leave at the end of the night, as we were due to close. Oh, and another screamed at me for using actual lemons instead of lemon juice from a bottle when making them a cocktail. You just can’t please some people.” - Angharad

The Puke Trail

“I was working as a waitress at a golf club and there was a party of 12 who asked for a sick bucket next to the table for one of the children, which we gave. But at one point, the 10-year-old decided to try and make a run for it, instead, leaving a trail of puke through the restaurant. The parents didn’t offer to help clean it up – but with lots of unfortunate diners trying to enjoy their Sunday lunch surrounded by sick, it fell upon me to do it. Worst bit? The family were sniggering as I cleaned it up. And they didn’t even leave a tip!” - Sian

The Champagne Spillage

“I once dropped a whole tray of Champagne on a woman as I carefully bent over to pick up something she had dropped. And that wasn’t even the worst bit – it was Christmas Day and her dress was satin! Lucky for me, she was really nice – but also, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Happy, er, Christmas?” - Micha