Contributor

Matthew Goldstein

When life gives you lemons, figure out why the hell life is giving you lemons.

My name is Matthew Goldstein. I'm a sophomore at Dartmouth College, majoring in Philosophy and Computer Science. Likes: when the first and last words of a novel form a coherent phrase. Dislikes: social climbing, green olives, TV commercials for awnings, genocide, and zippers that get stuck frequently. I have worked at MSNBC, with a health juice company, for a hedge fund, and in a beach club food court. Contrary to popular belief, I have only ten toes. I once took a philosophy class in which I began to question my own existence, but then I got a paper cut and I realized I was, unfortunately, still there. I have never had a P.O. box.

July 24, 2016

Democrats Should Just Revert to Telegrams
July 24, 2016

Time Out for the DNC
July 22, 2016

The GOP Has Officially Created a Monster
July 19, 2016

Melania's First Draft

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July 15, 2016

Turkish Coup All Over Again
July 13, 2016

Hillary Finally Catches 'Em All
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