10 Things No Parent Has Ever Said

You always hear about the wise, funny or thought-provoking statements parents make. These are not those statements. In fact, I am 99.2 percent sure no parent has ever said any of these 10 things.

1. "Would you please dump all of your boxes of Legos out on the floor?" Also, make sure they spill out into the hallway, too. It's almost like a foot massage when we step on them at night.

2. "Peeing in the toilet is more of a 'guideline' than a rule." If you don't make it in, don't worry -- it's not really a life skill you will ever need...

3. "I promise if you finish all of your candy, I will give you a big bowl of broccoli." In fact, if you take just two more bites, you can have broccoli after every meal all week long!

4. "Sure, you can stay up all night!" Every time you go without sleep, the next day you always make awesome decisions and are in complete control of your emotions.

5. "I know you just took a bath, but if you could rub more yogurt into your hair I would really appreciate it."

6. "Of course you don't have to clean your room." I have been super bored for the last three days and I was hoping and praying that you wouldn't want to clean your room so that I could do it for you.

7. "That is such a fantastic Sharpie marker portrait on the wall!" The only problem is that you didn't continue it all the way down the hallway.

8. "What? You left your jacket at school again and can't find it? That's fine, it was two weeks old anyway." I'll just withdraw more money from our jacket savings account and pick another one up tonight.

9. "You are getting so good with your eye rolls. Have you been practicing?" It would be great if you would roll your eyes at the end of all of our conversations.

10. "Would you please, please start playing the recorder?" Your mom and I have always dreamed that someday you would want to just practice for hours every day here in the living room. Maybe one day you can even play professionally!

Originally posted on LunchboxDad.com