4 Ways To Manage Chores And Boost Time For Love

As a single mom, hoping to one day share my life and home with a guy again, Im worried about the effect that chores and other household responsibilities will have on the relationship. Ive had complete control over household management for the better part of 2 years and I get anxious when I think about adding another adult to the mix. I remember how much unhappiness surrounded the daily tasks of my marriage and I would really like to not repeat that in my next serious relationship.

I don't know about you, but toward the end of my marriage, conversations with my ex-husband were more about chores and miscommunication and what we weren't getting from each other than they were about anything related to love and what actually brought us together in the first place. During my marriage, I lost count of how many times I thought, "I wish we could be a team. It always feels like him against me." A breakdown in our communication and our ever-expanding score sheets solidified a wedge between us. This was not the only cause of our breakup but it was a contributing factor.

Basic Goal = Stay Together

The most basic goal of any relationship should be staying together. Yet, so often, couples make irrelevant details the center of their relationship, putting more value on who does or doesnt do what, rather than on shared values like honesty or commitment.

Again, I dont know about you, but thinking back on my failed marriage I never thought, Gee, if only he would have taken out the garbage like I asked then we would still be together. Sure, at the time, when I was dealing with the hurt and frustration of our crumbling marriage, I did think that taking out the garbage had the potential of being our saving grace. Since then (and after gaining a lot of perspective) I realize that our obsession with making sure we were pulling equal weight was a symbol of the deeper pain we were burdened with.

Is it just me? Or are you also worried about managing chores with your next partner? Here are 4 ways you can decrease stress and frustration surrounding chores and boost love in your next serious relationship.

Managing Chores With Apps

The beauty of living today is that theres always an app for that. A well-designed chore app is a great way to start wrangling your chores and other responsibilities.

HoneyDo (Free, FamilyTech) : My favorite chore app for couples is HoneyDo. It helps couples communicate and divvy up household chores and other tasks. HoneyDo is built on positive reinforcement. By completing chores you earn points toward rewards like Me Time and Date Night. What I love most about HoneyDo is that the goal of this app is to help couples work toward common goals, essentially reminding couples that they are a team.

SimplyUs (Free, Ironark) : SimplyUs acts as the central hub of your relationship. It combines a chore/task list with a calendar feature to help couples stay on top of, and communicate about, all aspects of their life together. It even allows you to privately share photos and messages.

Understanding Each Other

Another way to get a handle on household chores is by simply understanding your partner. What motivates him? What makes him feel most appreciated and loved? Knowing the answers to these simple questions can help you both work as a team to complete chores and other responsibilities of your relationship.

The 5 Love Languages (Free, Gary Chapman) : The 5 Love Languages Quiz gives you a basic understanding of when and how you and your partner feel most loved. You can use the results to help you plan rewards for each other.

Chore Doing Style Quiz (Free, HomeyApp) : I found this short, fun quiz that helps you determine what kind of a chore-doer you are. It asks questions like how long do you spend on chores and whats your favorite cleaning solution smell like. These questions help you understand how you and your partner feel about, and approach, chores. The more you understand about each other the better able you both will be at divvying up and managing responsibilities in a way thats satisfying for you both.

Refocus On What Matters Most

I think couples tend to focus on chores and other insignificant minutia of their relationship as a way to deflect from the more important issues they are unhappy with. Arguing about chores is easy compared to real discussions about feelings and unhealed pain. In the end, they focus on the things that keep them apart, rather than the things that brought them together.

Im not saying chores and other responsibilities arent important. The tasks of daily living are part of a relationship but they do not make a relationship. The ability, willingness, and more importantly, the choice to come together, day after day, to complete these chores for the shared common goal of staying together is what actually makes a relationship. Knowing the above tools exist helps me feel less anxious about sharing my life and home with a guy again.

Planning how you will manage chores with your next partner will help prevent the stress and frustration thats common in many relationships. Sharing your life with someone requires a unique balance of love and prudence. Managing the details of your lives together has the potential of breaking you apart. Refocusing on the love and the values you share will keep you together. The tools listed above help turn the practical, often times divisive, part of a relationship into a pleasant activity, and return your focus to what matters most.

Follow Sara Woodard on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theheartfulljourney/

Sara is an ally for broken-hearted moms who need help managing their emotions and rebuilding their confidence. Snag Saras free book 50 Reasons Divorce Is The Best Time To Thrive.