5 Lessons My Childs ADHD Taught Me

By Gail Belsky

When I found out my son had ADHD , I learned as much about the condition as possible. I read books and articles and asked endless questions of the professionals who were suddenly part of our lives the neurologist, therapist, special education teacher, case manager and tutor. I got a great deal of helpful information and advice.

But over the years, the most valuable knowledge has come from my son, and from helping him get a handle on his ADHD . Heres some of what Ive learnedand wish Id known sooner.

1. My worrying and nagging doesnt help.

No matter how hard I try, Ive never totally been able to stop doing either one. I do worry about my son and what his future holds. But fretting does nothing to impact that future; it just keeps me from appreciating the progress happening now.

As for nagging, Ive never seen a single positive change happen because of it. It just makes everyone stressed out, which makes change even harder.

2. His greatest strengths are the most important ones.

My son is kind, caring, funny and creative. He also has great empathy and perseverance. At his afterschool and weekend jobs, hes proven himself to be reliable and hardworking. Thats not always the case at school. But I have to remind myself that he wont be living his whole life at school.

3. The best solutions often come from him.

My son has executive functioning issues on top of his ADHD. When he was young, I didnt understand why he couldnt get dressed by himself. Even when I pulled the clothes out for him, he just sat there until I came over to help. One night I went in to say goodnight to my son, and found that he had laid out his clothes on the floor in the shape of a person: T-shirt, shorts (underpants on top), socks and sneakers.

It was the first time I understood he has his own way of making things make sense. And ultimately, thats what will get him through.

4. He needs my feedback, even if its not positive.

Its not pleasant having to tell your child that hes talking too much or annoying people by fidgeting. But Id rather be the one telling him than leaving it to other people to comment or react.

It took me a while to realize that my son doesnt always recognize what hes doing until you say it directly. Once he hears it, he can catch himself and stop. The hard part for me is doing it calmly, and not critically.

5. You can be aggravated and frustratedand still love someone to death.

There have been times when Ive wanted to throttle my son. Im sure hes felt the same way about me. But no matter how upset we may get, it doesnt make a dent in how much we love each other. I will always feel a strong and special bond with my son. And nothing can take that way.

This post originally appeared on Understood.org .

More on Understood:

• Understanding ADHD
• ADHD & Anxiety: What You Need to Know
• 5 Types of Fun Fidgets for Kids With ADHD

What has your childs ADHD taught you? Join the conversation in the Understood Community.