6 Ways Men Can Build Emotional Awareness (and Why Its Important)

In almost every culture in the world, men are taught to not be emotional and are raised to be strong, protective and able to conquer anything. This may be why so many men do not have a language for emotional pain. Often, men cannot even recognize painful feelings, and are more likely to show anger than say Im hurting.

But men, just like women, struggle with significant stress, depression and anxiety, among other mental health issues. Studies reveal that roughly 30% of men in the U.S. experience depression at some point, but rather than talk to a mental health professional about sadness or loneliness they report restlessness, loss of interest or focus at school or work, fatigue, anger or irritability symptoms that men may believe are more acceptable for them to experience and discuss.

Why Feelings Matter

Research shows that the ability to access and articulate feelings may have physiological underpinnings, so it isnt simply how or where men are raised that impacts their emotional responsiveness.

Neuroscientists have found that male and female brains are structured differently, and they function differently as well, even when engaged in the same activities. For example, only the right side of the male amygdala, a region of the brain that plays a role in emotions and memories, is activated during certain activities, resulting in comparatively lower emotional reactions for men in some situations. Further, women have more connective tissue (corpus callosum) between the left and right hemispheres of the brain, allowing them to activate both sides of the brain when they talk, coordinating both emotional and non-emotional information. Research indicates that in men, only the left side of the brain is activated when they talk, leading to the theory that women have a greater innate ability to talk about their feelings.

Both physiology and environment, then, can put men at a disadvantage when it comes to expressing their emotions. These challenges may be part of the reason why addiction is so rampant in our nation, and why so many of those struggling with addiction are men . If men dont have the tools to manage and articulate their feelings, or talk about pain or any underlying mental health issues, theyre at risk of withdrawing from the people they love and turning to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to cope.

Building a Toolbox for Emotional Expression

Even if they grew up disconnected from their emotions, men can develop the tools they need to be more emotionally aware. Here are a few ways to do it:

#1 Build competency in relationships. It is often through relationships that we are called on to experience and communicate feelings. Sometimes the best way to build interpersonal competency is first through fellowship with other men. They can share their truths in ways they may not be able to with spouses, children or other relatives, and hone their communication skills with one another before working on relationships with their loved ones. Men tend to bond with others through shared activities rather than through discussion, but making a concerted effort to converse more with friends can help build the communication skills needed to strengthen relationships with others.

#2 Develop an emotional vocabulary. In order to communicate feelings effectively, men first need an emotional language that extends beyond the basics like happy, sad and angry. Our emotional lives involve an entire tapestry of emotions pride, guilt, grief, shame, anxiety, jealousy and fear, among others and it is helpful to be able to have more words to describe and discuss them. While many men are not comfortable talking about their feelings, this is often because they dont have command of an emotional vocabulary. It is a necessary life skill that gets easier with practice.

#3 Practice mindfulness. Set aside a few minutes each day for quiet reflection, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. The practice of focusing inward can allow men to feel whatever it is theyre feeling rather than trying to intellectualize their feelings or reverting to fight or flight mode. Pay attention to physical sensations such as feeling sick to your stomach or tightness in your chest or clenching your fists. These are clues that can help you identify the feelings that drive those physical sensations. Making an effort to engage in more of this type of reflection can lead to greater self-awareness and clarity.

#4 Get involved in activities that promote self-reflection. Try journaling or writing down your feelings. For people who are new at accessing their emotions, a way to ease into this is to write down your highest priorities and then track how you feel about those priorities and the progress you are making. You might list challenges or stumbling blocks to your progress in those areas, and write about how the challenges make you feel or how you might overcome them.

#5 Invite insights from others. Because most of us lack objectivity about ourselves, it can be helpful to solicit honest, candid feedback from your support network about how they see you. This kind of feedback can help you make tangible changes in how you behave in different situations. For example, if friends see you as reticent or withdrawn, perhaps you can make more of an effort to engage with others and speak up. If you learn that others see you as angry or prone to overreaction, perhaps you can work on skills to better manage those feelings.

#6 Practice help-seeking. Studies show that men are less likely than women to seek help for depression, substance abuse and physical ailments. The belief that they cant or shouldnt ask for help may stem from traditional social norms of masculinity that value strength and self-reliance. But feeling they cant reach out for help can escalate problems and delay necessary mental health treatment or counseling. It is important to understand that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for everyone men and women to ask for help when they need it. Even if it feels alien to you, give it a try.

Because bottling up feelings leads to problems, it is important for men to develop the tools that help them unlock those feelings and share them. By helping men build deeper levels of emotional awareness, we can make a difference in their lives, and also in the lives of the people they love.

David Sack, MD, is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine. As chief medical officer of Elements Behavioral Health , he oversees a network of treatment centers that includes a mens mental health program in Florida and gender-specific womens and mens rehab programs at The Ranch.