Actually...Who Knew? 10 Things My Mom Got Right

When I was a rebellious child and teen, my mother wasnt right about anything that related to me. She thought she was, but she wasnt.

Now that Im in my 50s, it turns out she actually was right. Unfortunately, she didnt live long enough for me to get it and acknowledge it to her. So sorry, Mom. I hope my daughter gets it before Im gone, but if she doesnt, well, it will probably just serve me right.

Its not perfect amends, but maybe a Mothers Day retrospective will go some apologetic distance, and maybe get some of you reflecting on what your mom may have actually known. If so, and shes still alive, please tell her so.

Here are some of my revelations that Mom tried to convey way back when

1. I actually do look better in short hair. I finally cut it all off a few years ago, mostly because I got tired of trying to make it work. Turns out it didnt work because I stubbornly refused to listen to Mom when she said, Your face shape is perfect for a pixie cut. They called them that back in the day. Just like Mary Martin in Peter Pan. I prefer to think of Ellen, but yah, I have found the hair that fits my face. And Im so happy. Complete strangers come up to me in weird places and tell me that Ive inspired them to do it, too. Crazy, but nobody ever said that to me when I had long hair.

2. Blue actually does look good on me. When I was a fashionista teen, I hated that my mom kept telling me blue was my color. I dont know why really; maybe it just wasnt a cool color when I was in high school, unless it was the denim blue of jeans. But now I find that my skin tone, eye color (blue) and hair color really light up when I wear some shades of blue like turquoise, or teal. Red is still my favorite color, but I have blue things, and Ive made my peace with the idea that its a good color.

3. Being over-dramatic isnt just annoying and stressful to others, its actually self-damaging. I was the ultimate drama queen. Everything was a storyeverything was emotion-filled. I yelled and slammed doors when I was mad. Everything was a big production. Not surprisingly, I did well in high school theatre. But the older I get, the more I realize how much anxiety and pressure I dumped on myself when I expended so much energy in catastrophizing everything. Seeking peace in my life started with first asking, Whats the worst that could happen here? Really? and going from there. The annoying to others part, thats really covered in #4.

4. I actually should think before I speak. (Corollary: Not everything I think necessarily should actually come out of my mouth.) Yah. Big one. I always thought that being totally honest meant you had to say what you were thinking in every situation, with everyone. I didnt understand what discernment, or filters, or boundaries, were. Not all the way there yet, but Im definitely working on it.

5. Actually, I can be my own worst enemy. Sad, but true, Mom. She always would say this when some disaster befell me, and it was always in a voice tinged with sadness, and a shaking of the head. I thought she was just being dramatic, so it made me angry. I now see that it actually hurt her that I was self-destructive. I see this now so clearly that Im a mom. Moms hearts hurt for their kids when they see them hurting themselves. It will ever be thus. Sadness for what they have to suffer, and acceptance of the reality that as a parent you are helpless to prevent it happening to them.

6. It actually does matter if a family sits down to at least one meal a day together. This I didnt figure out until my daughter got into her teens and started missing the dinner meal with me. Our daily connection didnt happen, because that was the one time of day we had been able to count on, if no other.

7. Life actually is short. Is this something we ever get when were young? Probably not. And maybe thats as it should be, but I sure get it now. Approaching the big 6-Oh! this year makes me crystal-clear on that subject.

8. It actually doesnt kill me to say Im sorry. This one I wish Id gotten a lot sooner in life. As a result, I have a long list of life amends to make now, and Im getting busy with that. Im also learning that there are right and wrong ways to do it.

9. I really dont know what Im talking about. Okay, okay, I said it. I had no idea what I didnt know when I was young. The more education and life experience I got, the smarter I thought I was becoming. And then a funny thing started happening. Everything I learned begged 10 more questions to which I didnt have the answers. It was as if there was a natural formula of the universe revealing itself to me, and it looked like this: Knowledge > = Knowledge

10. Mother really does, actually, know best. It is true that our elders know more than we do and they deserve our attentive and curious ear. But moms (and dads) even more so. Nobody on earth will ever know you or love you with the fierceness and hope for your life success of your parents. They are not be perfect, or always healthy enough to love you in the way you should be, but no matter who they are, they have a bond with you that nobody can ever share.

If youre a mom, Happy Mothers Day. If youre a son or daughter, think about sharing this with your mom on Mothers Day. It may start a conversation youll remember forever.