After Obama's Address, a Conversation With My Sons

Sunday night I watched President Obama's address about the war on terror with my sons; ages 7, 10 and 12. When the speech was over I turned the television off and this is the conversation that ensued:

Ten year old: Who is ISIL?

Twelve year old: A group that says they're Muslim but they kill people for no reason.

Seven year old: Why do they kill people?

Me: Because they believe that Allah commands them to.

Ten year old: What?

Me: Yes, they think that everyone living in the west is the enemy so they have the right to kill them.

Ten year old: But we live in the west, right?

Twelve year old: Yeah, they kill Muslims too. No one is safe.

Ten year old: So what are the police doing?

Me: There's not much anyone can do because no one knows who these people are.

Ten year old: So what can we do to help?

Me: We can first be good Muslims. And that includes being good Americans. That's what the Quran says.

Seven year old: Wait... it says to be good Americans in the Quran?

Me: (reaching for my Quran and opening to chapter 5, verse 5) No, it doesn't literally say to be good Americans but it says:

O you who believe fulfill your oaths

That means when we pledge our allegiance to America, in exchange for this country allowing your dad to get a good job, and you to go to a good school and for the Muslims to be able to build mosques and celebrate our holidays, and for us to be protected by the law, we must obey the law and follow the rules.

Twelve year old: But I'm reading now in school, about slavery and lynching and the discrimination of the Civil Rights era. America made a lot of mistakes...

Me: Yes, but I want you to think of one country that has made as many mistakes as America but has also tried to correct them along the way. Imagine that our forefathers were slaves, and now we have an African American president...

(Everyone quietly thinking...)

Me: Well...?

Twelve year old: Umm... I don't know. I guess you're right.

Me: Listen, thank Allah that you're from America. A lot of children around the world wish they could have the opportunities you have, and some can't even read and write, son.

Seven year old: Really? Why? Even I can read and write!

Me: Because their governments don't allow them to get a decent education.

Ten year old: So why don't their parents just teach them?

Me: It's not that simple. Some of them can't read or write either.

Twelve year old: How do they eat? What do they do for work?

Me: I'm not sure. But I know they don't eat whatever they want, like you do. They can't just play video games when they want, like you do. They don't have camps to go to, and amusement parks, and huge parks to play sports and a gazillion different schools and colleges to choose from.

Ten year old: So why don't they talk to their government or vote for better people who will give them books and stuff?

Me: That's where ISIL comes in. ISIL blames America for everything that's wrong in Muslim countries. And they use Islam as an excuse to commit acts of terror.

Ten year old: But why? What does terror do? That won't get them books or food... that doesn't make sense. Islam doesn't tell them to commit terror.

Me: They don't want books or food. They want everyone to be so afraid that we won't go to work or go to school and things will be bad for all of us.

Twelve year old: That sounds like pure jealousy. Like bullying...

Seven year old: Why would these crazy people be using religion to hurt people? Religion is supposed to be good. It doesn't make sense!

Me: I know that, and I'm glad you know that. But they don't care what makes sense. They don't care what Islam says or Allah says. They just want to kill. And then when they hurt innocent people, all the good Muslims suffer because ISIL says they do it for Islam.

Ten year old: Is that why all of a sudden you told us we couldn't go out with mom and put the Boy Scout bags for canned goods on people's doors?

Me:. Your mom wears a head scarf, and people might be angry if you walk to their doors because they don't know whether to trust us or not. So, it's just not safe right now, son.

Seven year old: Not safe for us?

Twelve year old: Because people don't trust us.

Seven year old: Why? We're not terrorists.

Me: But we're Muslim.

Ten year old: So what are we gonna do?

Me: We're gonna continue to be Muslim. And we're gonna continue to do good things in our community. But I want you to promise me something...

All of them: What?

Me: Promise me you will always stay close to what Islam says about being truthful and being honest and being loyal. That means saying your prayers, being good to your mother, getting a good education and a good job and being loyal to the country that gave you the opportunity to have those things.

Twelve year old: That's easy. But does being loyal to our country mean that we can never criticize something that we don't like about it? I'm reading in school, that that's how some laws get passed that help citizens; when people criticize the government.

Me: It doesn't mean you can't criticize, because you're right, that's how some things change for the better in society. You should be able to criticize for the right reasons. That's what being a patriot is. It's when you love something so much, that you want to see it be as perfect as possible so you constantly try and make it better.

Ten year old: Kind of like what you and mom do when you tell us we should be getting As instead of Bs and Cs.

Me: Exactly. Because we love you. And to love is to critique.

Seven year old: What's critique mean?

Me: It means to look for all the small things that could be better and then working on them until something is close to perfect.

Ten year old: So we can criticize?

Me: Yes, but you can never become violent or encourage others to be violent. That's un-Islamic and America doesn't deserve that, because we've built a good life for ourselves here. And that's why you go to Islamic school, to learn what Islam teaches about respecting others and living with many different kinds of people, peacefully.

Twelve year old: I would never hurt people. Mom doesn't even let us play violent video games.

Me: I know you wouldn't, but I'm telling you anyway.

Ten year old: Where are these ISIL people learning Islam? It seems like someone is teaching them the wrong stuff.

Me: I don't know. I think they get a lot of bad information from the internet. That's why I'm always telling you never to search about Islam on the internet. When you have a question about Islam, ask me or your mom. But don't go on Youtube and look up videos to learn. That's not how you learn. That's how you get tricked into believing crazy things about Islam and about a lot of other things.

Ten year old: But not everything on YouTube is bad.

Twelve year old: Yeah, but how would you know how to tell the difference?

Ten year old: (pointing to me) Umm... I'll just ask you.

Me: Well I'm telling you now. You can watch your anime and your video game tutorials on YouTube and that's it. If you want some cool Muslim websites to go to, I'll make a list for you. Some even have video games and funny stories.

Ten year old: Okay, anime and video games. Got it.

Me: Does everyone get it?

All of them in unison: Got it!

Me: Good.

We're all at a loss right now. None of us are quite sure what to do. But as Muslims, we must begin to have these difficult conversations in our households if we haven't already started them. Fear is the only thing stronger than reason. But the one thing greater than fear is education. Education can only happen when we communicate with one another. Let's start the dialogue; at home, and elsewhere.

God help us all...