Bottle Weaning for a Wine-y Mom?!

Hi! Quick Question for all the First Time Babies (FTBs!) out there!

Is it time to wean her from the bottle and how should I do it? Help!

When I first brought her home from the hospital, it was very intense and overwhelming!!! I could tell she had no idea what she was doing!

It seemed like she was constantly crying. The slightest thing seemed to set her off! Like if she couldn't use the bathroom alone, or sleep for more than 17 minutes, she would just start sobbing uncontrollably!! Well, the blogs all said that a routine was key!!!!!! So we started a little evening ritual of a bottle of chardonnay every night to help her settle down. And it totally worked! She went from being fussy, cranky, and "tightly wound," (you're not supposed to call them crazy right?!?) to the settled and smiley mother I knew she could be!!!!!!!!

Just look how attached she is! How can I take it away?!

But that was two years ago and now I am wondering if I should wean her off the bottle!!?!?!?? Isn't she supposed to be more on solids by now?! I am worried that between the 4 cups of coffee during the day and the bottle in the evening, she's not getting enough to eat!!

Yes, before you ask, we have tried baby-led weaning! I usually just knock her glass over at dinnertime and offer her a few manageable, fistfuls of organic yogurt that I have already dumped cold water on. Sometimes I can get her to eat half a day-old grilled cheese sandwich when I flick it from my highchair, but she doesn't seem to enjoy it. I don't know. Am I doing it right?! My big brother who first had her as a mom a few years ago, assured me that no mom will starve herself. He must be right because she does have the sweetest, chunkiest thighs! So precious!!!!!!!!

Someone in our toddler group suggested distracting her by mixing up our evening routine. I tried that too!! A couple of nights last week, I just went batshit crazy after dinnertime! Instead of having a bath and getting into my jammies, I just lay down totally naked on the floor in the hall and screamed as loudly as I could, while I started spinning around on my butt like a little compass pointing to rage!!

I didn't give her any clues about what was coming next or when it would happen!! I thought the excitement and suspense would totally take her mind off the bottle, but it seemed to do the opposite! She she was popping the cork out before I had even had chance to rip all the cardboard bedtime books into shreds or dump the cat food out! She has the best memory!!!!!

I read somewhere that you're just supposed to wear them out and make them so tired that they just drop at bedtime and don't cry for a bottle. Ugh! I tried that too! I threw up all night when my dad was out of town and my sister had strep throat on the same day that my brother had a science project due, and even though she was practically falling asleep in the car on the way home (car naps are the worst!!!!! I'll save that for another post!!!!), she still insisted on a bottle that evening!

A part of me thinks it's mean to take the bottle away from her, and she is so much sweeter and more manageable with it! Fellow babies! What should I do!!?!

Love, an FTB with a mom on the bottle!

Kate Levkoff is a cohost of the foul-mouthed, hilariously honest parenting podcast Nursing and Cursing. Find her at nursingandcursing and on Instagram ,
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