Children Are Used Like Pawns by Domestic Abusers Behind Bars

Domestic abusers commonly tamper with their victim , especially while behind bars awaiting charges and sentencing.

In 2011, we published the fields first systematic analysis of how domestic abusers tamper with their victim during telephone calls from jail. During the calls, abusers minimize the abuse they inflicted; use sympathy appeals to manipulate the victims emotions; remind the victim of her role in breaking up the family; demand that the victim recant her story with police and courts; and coerce the victim to reconstruct the abuse narrative to preserve the abusers innocence.

A common question is whether and how domestic abusers also involve/tamper with their children (directly or indirectly) during jail calls.

Good question.

Is it common for domestic abusers to tamper with their children during phone calls made from jail?

Yes.

How?

In our new analysis, published this month in the Journal of Family Violence, we show how abusers use their children like pawns , by triangulating them (directly or indirectly) against the victim. Triangulation is the process by which a third party is used to replace direct communication between two (or more) individuals and/or to position communication against (or in alignment with) an individual.

For example, one abuser strangled his wife until she nearly lost consciousness because she began breastfeeding their newborn child. During telephone calls the abuser made to the victim from behind bars, he exploited the victims fear of harm, emotional vulnerability and financial dependence by reminding the victim that she (and the baby) were financially dependent upon him: You wanna sit there and think the baby is not a pawn. Shes not a chess pawn. Shes not a fuckin tool. Im not gonna be pullin her back and forth in between us what we got goin on. Thats not right ... Me and you need to work on what we got goin on because were married, cause I got bills to pay. I gotta take care of my family.

Another abuser, after breaking his wifes nose, called his pre-school age child from jail and instructed her: Your mom is mean and evil. Tell her I said that. Ask your mom why she hates me. Ask her why she dont love me, why she keep puttin me in jail.

Still yet, another abuser reminded his partner (an exotic dancer) that their infant (come school age) will be ashamed of her: For you being a stripper is just wrong. If youre dancing naked in front of his [the babys] school teacher, do you think thats going to be cool with him?

These three examples illustrate an added layer of sophisticated manipulation used by domestic abusers to continue to tamper with their victim during phone calls made from jail. In each of the three examples, abusers are using their children like pawns (directly or indirectly) in an attempt to erode the victims agency and self-determination and pressure her to not cooperate with prosecution.

The solution?

It is critical to provide victims (and their children) with timely legal assistance , and to provide access to professional advocates and civil legal attorneys, to help them buffer against such tampering and manipulation.

While it is well known that children growing up in homes where domestic abuse are witnesses to such abuse , having access to professional advocates and legal attorneys can help further protect children from being used like pawns to erode victims agency while the abuser is behind bars.