Comfortable Racism: What It Is & What We Can Do About It

I have a Rant of the Day segment on my blog that I try to do every month or so where I whine about the little mundane annoyances and common pet peeves of life. As a little behind the scenes action to how I come up with material for these, well I just observe them daily. Any time Im irritated, inconvenienced, enraged or impatient because of something, I jot it down in the Notes section of my phone to include in a later #ROTD post.

One of the things Ive had on the list for a while? The term comfortable racism.

But I got to thinking recently, and this doesnt belong in a lighthearted, intended-to-be-humorous segment on AA . This is more serious than that. This isnt a slight nuisance like folks who take 37 minutes to take money out of the ATM or people who dont arrange their food on the grocery store conveyor belt thing to fit your stuff (seriously though, I HATE that). No. This topic doesnt belong among fluffy silliness like that.

This gets its own post.

I dont know that theres a technical or official definition to the term comfortable racism, but to me its the notion that a person feels so secure in their offensive and inappropriate thoughts about other peoples race that they feel empowered and content to outwardly share them with others.

In other words, if youre like me, you incorrectly assumed that in 2017 racists would feel ashamed, embarrassed or uneasy sharing their racist beliefs and mindsets, butnah. No, instead it seems as though something or someone (the new President, perhaps?) has made them feel lately like it was OK. Im not gonna name any names, though.

The first time I ever encountered something like this was many years ago at a job (NOT the one I have now) where a douchey, arrogant, wealthy male coworker saw my Gucci bag and bluntly stated, Nice bag! I feel like Gucci recently became kind of a n*gger brand, though. He then immediately followed it up with, Right?

Right?! Dont you agree with my disgustingly racist comment?!?!

(I shouldnt have been surprised to hear him say this he once also called Barack Obama the Anti-Christ when he saw I was reading his book. #RollsEyesForever)

But this was the first time a person had interacted with me seeming all too comfortable expressing their distasteful and abhorrent commentary and THATS when I realized there were now two things to be furious about:

1. The horrendously racist comment and term used, and -
2. The fact that another person thought that I was someone they could say that to.

Well, he quickly learned I wasnt.

Its been about 8 years since that happened, and guess what? I didnt stand for it then and I sure as shit dont stand for it now.

These are some of but certainly not all the racist things men Ive recently dated or gone out with have done or said in my company:

• Questioning why the boardwalk in my town was so dark (AKA, a lot of non-white people there).
• Asking me if Id ever dated or hooked up with a black guy and when I said no, tried to high-five me.
• Responded, well, Im kinda racist when I told him I had ended things with ANOTHER guy for being racist. (Oh, well then. Good to know.)

Ive listened to litanies arguing against the Black Lives Matter Movement and Affirmative Action. Ive heard disparaging comments about Jews, Asians, Middle Easterners, Latinos and African Americans. Ive heard comments about black people being criminals, lazy and uneducated. Ive heard the N-word used like it was a term of endearment and therefore when I got mad they defended it like it was OK to use it that way ya know, because they have black friends!

[Side note: read this thread on Twitter if you have time its another womans story of comfortable racism in the dating world. Click HERE .]

The end result in every scenario you see above? I leave. I stop seeing these people. I get into heated debates and arguments and I stand up for my beliefs and what I feel is right, and then I leave.

Thats what you have to do in 2017 America where its become grossly apparent that the once closeted racists are now coming back out of the woodwork. And you dont just encounter it in the world of dating; you see it in the news every day: swastikas on subways, offensive graffiti, a significant rise in hate crimes, racial epithets screamed at others in public, bomb threats to Jewish Community Centers, students and professional adults getting caught for despicable racism (remember the West Virginia official who publicly called Michelle Obama an ape in heels?)I mean, the list goes on and on. You can read more HERE .

Hell, go to any article you read on the Internet and READ THE COMMENTS, for Christs sake.

So what can you and I do? We cant cure racism, sadly. But we CAN fight back and defend our stance when we find ourselves as witnesses to this stuff. We can let people know were not tolerating their ignorance and wont stand for it. We can stand up for anyone we see being mistreated, harassed or threatened. We wont just sit back idly and let people feel comfortable with their racism around us. We can unfriend and unfollow on social media and tell our friends exactly why we did. Where applicable, we can punish those for this kind of behavior; showing them there ARE repercussions for this ugly low-life behavior.

We dont need to Make America Great Again; we need to make racists afraid again.

Are you with me?