Do Not Send Your Love

This one is for the survivors. The ones who lost the thing they were sure they could not survive.

Today, I do not want your good vibes. Do not send your love. I need so much more.

I need you to do battle.

I need you to storm the gates of heaven with prayers. Fervent. Relentless. The sort that gives way to physical exhaustion and emotional fatigue.

I need you to sit at what feels like hell on earth, with me. I need you to lift me up to the only one that can make this livable. I do not need a verse, a quote, a story. I dont need eloquent words or promises that feel impossible to deliver in full. Like sand slipping through my fingers, hope seems a concept so close, but unattainable in the moments that are low, dark, ugly, raw. Far too real for anyone to have made a card for it. Far too painful, at times, to put words to it.

That empty in the depths. The feeling that something is entirely wrong and the remedy does not exist. The fix is beyond my human hands. And yours.

Let us acknowledge we are unable to fix it. But, never stop believing we know the one who can.

I need you to do spiritual war for me. I need you to stand in the gap. I need your swords, your tears, your hearts and your hope. Mine are gone. For now.

Like Moses unable to hold his arms aloft in the battle. The fate of a people hanging in the balance each time they dropped, I need you to hold my hands for me. The fate of my family just may depend on it. These are times when only heaven will do.

God surely sends His people to lift each other. But, today I need divine intervention. I need you to call down the angels, to push back the demons. I need you to fight with me and when I am too weary in mind and body and spirit, I need you to fight for me without me asking.

Do not ask how I am. Do not ask what you can do.

I dont know.

Everything feels too much, and yet, too small all at once.

There is nothing this side of heaven that can repair this sort of broken heart. There are days I hold the wishes and vibes as tokens of affection. But, I need the sort of healing, the kind of rescue that can only come from one set of hands. And they are nail scarred. They are the hands that endured a cross, that made the blind to see and the lame to walk. They belong to the only one who can breathe life into this crushed spirit.

Today, I need warriors on their knees. Maybe someday I will enjoy the luxury of vibes. But, today, today I require the divine.

My pain requires the all powerful hand of the almighty.

My sorrow requires the humanity of a savior who wept.

My heart requires the love of the one who spared nothing, but gave His most precious possession for me.

Call on Him with my name on your lips. It is the most holy and effective effort you can make on my behalf. I dont need you to say youre praying. I need you to do the thing as though this crisis is your own.

Today, today fight for me. Storm heaven. Shake the gates of hell. Pray.

When done in faith and with authority, there is nothing on this earth more powerful.

Today, I need a miracle.

The bad thing happened.

To me.

We talk often of the miracle of life when children are born. It is no doubt a divine and holy happening of great wonder. But, today, today it feels far greater a miracle that I will live through this. Today, the miracle of life is that we are able to keep living it.