Eliminating 'All or Nothing' Thinking is Key to Successful Resolutions

By the time New Years Eve arrives, many of us will have formulated resolutions meant to reboot our lives through self-improvement. Millions of us are setting goals we hope will launch us toward growth, and invariably many of us will have collapsed under the weight of our own hefty expectations by February.

The reason we will fail to meet our expectations is because many of our goals will be unreasonable. We decide on resolutions while high on holiday cheer, and inevitably set ourselves up for decreased self-esteem.

For example, increased altruism is a common resolution. Maybe we decide to mentor youth, or donate time in a soup kitchen, and we determine this needs to be a weekly committment. Soon, we realize the magnitude of our goal exceeds available time, and once we fall short, we deem ourselves a failure, and scrap the idea, failing to realize even an hour of volunteering per month benefits others, and ourselves.

Health goals comprise the most common resolutions, often consisting of desired dietary changes and committment gym memberships. With burger and beer in hand, we promise, come January 1, to work out seven days a week for 90 minutes, while adhering to a fat free, 1500 calorie per day diet. Then life impedes; we miss a few workouts, or grab fast food on the run. One slip often creates feelings of failure, and we regress to old habits.

All Or Nothing Thinking is the bane of resolution.

A more reasonable goal is 30 minute workouts three times a week with a backup plan for home or office workouts, or a head clearing walk when getting to the gym is impossible. Perhaps allowing for a cheat day for treats is permissable. Less rigidity, and greater acknowledgement of our hectic lives allows for reasonable expectations, and limits the probability of perceived failure.

Smokers also run the risk of failed resolution as they are likely to use the new year to quit smoking. But far too many smokers attempt to quit cold turkey. Once the first cigarette is lit during a stressful moment, addiction wins. We often fail to realize relapse is a momentary setback, not a complete failure.

The possibilities for unreasonable resolution is endless.

Perhaps we aspire to be more avid readers, but our resolution is confounded when we fail to read Les Miserables in a week, and decide to give up. In reality, being a more avid reader is as simple as incorporating 10 or 20 minutes of reading a day.

The purpose of New Years Resolutions is to set reasonable goals meant to facillitate increased self-esteem and self-actualization, but because we bury ourselves under all or nothing thinking, the self-actualized version of ourselves is snuffed out.

Set a resolution to be realistic and less rigid. Assess the amount of time and energy you have each day, and set your goals accordingly. Unreasonable expectations will lead to perceived failure, which can lead to decreased self-esteem and low mood.

Good luck meeting your reasonable goals!