From Worrier to Warrior - A Journey (Part 1)

I sat across my therapist, confused.

She had said that I see fear in everything. That my minds default setting is to think of the worst case scenario and while that is a part of our fight-or-flight mode, its no way to live. She said I probably thought that everything and everyone was out to cause me harm and put me in danger. That was probably why I used the words safe space when I talk about not wanting to leave my apartment, she concluded.

The bit Im confused about, I said, is that Im not afraid of dying. So why was I so afraid of all the danger and harm?

Thats despair, she replied. I felt the sad truth sink in my chest as my tears fall.

Its funny how it takes a complete stranger, well, in this case, a qualified psychologist, to get you to admit to things you never even saw in yourself.

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Ive been trying to help myself more lately. To not blame the world for not understanding the way I feel when I cant even begin to understand it myself. As I take my first step out the door of her office, eyes red and embarrassed, she reminded me about what we were going to work on next and remind me, worrying is no way to live.

I know its no way to live. Trust me, I do it every day and its not fun when your mind just looks out for the worst.

But here I am, wanting to turn from victim to victor and these short snippets will help document my journey to recovery and hopefully encourage you to seek the help you need. Because we could all use a little guidance to get by sometimes.