21 Hilariously Accurate Tweets About The First Day Of School

Its the night before the first day of school, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring

SCHOOL EMAIL: ONE MORE THING

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 18, 2021

Shoutout to all the parents who took the obligatory perfect portrait of the kids on the first day of school, as if all utter hell didnt break loose in the house during the epic shitshow of getting them ready on time. Youre all my people.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) September 7, 2022

Today is the first day of school for my kids. They only go for 2 hrs. I get to drop them off, go home to use the bathroom and then go back to pick them up.

— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) September 7, 2021

Me: How was your first day of school?

4-year-old: I didn't hurt anyone.

Better than expected.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2020

I asked my son what time he wanted me to wake him up on the 1st day of school:

"6:30, so I have enough time to shower & cry."

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 8, 2022

My favorite thing about the kids' first day of school is when they come home and I get carpal tunnel from the small truckload of papers that takes me three hours to sign.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 31, 2022

Weird how the first day of school also coincides with the first day anybody has ever driven a car.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 10, 2023

For the first day of school pickup, I threw away the snack wrappers from the backseat but I didnt vacuum. Couldnt set the bar too high for the rest of the year.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 31, 2022

All summer long: Kids are healthy.

5 minutes into the 1st day of school: Everyone has Ebola

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 10, 2022

Me: What are you going to wear on the first day of school?

9-year-old: My coolest shirt.

Me: What about the second day?

9: My coolest shirt again.

I'm going to be doing a lot of laundry.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2023

On the first day of school you cry because your babies are growing up too fast, but after the 1st week of school you're like get out of my car.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 19, 2022

The first day of school is singlehandedly keeping the tiny chalkboard industry alive

— The Dad (@thedad) August 19, 2019

On the 1st day of school, my 6-year-old told me about his art teacher, Mr. McClay. This week, I found out his name is actually Mr. Mitchell.

Turns out my kid has been calling him McClay because he thinks that's a better name for an art teacher.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 31, 2022

Yesterday was the first day of school and I found homework in my kids backpack five minutes before we had to leave. It was for me.

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 30, 2022

If it wasn't for the first day of school, I'd never see my kids in a decent shirt one day a year.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 1, 2021

Sent my sister a pic of my kids on their first day of school and she asked me where was the pic of me with a drink in my hand jumping on the couch?

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 7, 2022

My favorite part of my 5 year old's first day of school pic with me and her dad is not that it's taken at a weird angle, or how my husband's head is cut off, it's how you can see my poor 4 year old taking our picture on my sunglasses.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 5, 2021

Introducing my kids to Ferris Bueller's Day Off the night before their first day of school may have been a mistake.

— The Dad (@thedad) August 14, 2023

*first day of school*

4yo: and there's a kid called Hunter

6yo: *muttering* I bet he doesn't even hunt

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 29, 2022

My kids last words to me before she leaves for her first day of school: but hey mom, make sure to get some work done today

OK FIRST OF ALL YOU ARE IN THIRD GRADE

— Linda Tirado (@KillerMartinis) August 6, 2021

It's important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 7, 2023