He Never Kisses Me Anymore

The last time I kissed passionately was last night. It wasn't the little sweet peck on the lips or quick kiss, it was a "real" kiss. The kind of kiss that's so passionate and loving that it made me feel like the most desirable person alive. One of the best parts about this kiss was that I was one the initiated it. Kissing passionately takes two and if both people in the relationship stop initiating the passionate kiss, it eventually goes away. When it's gone, it's sometimes hard to bring back.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Dr. Jim Witte, and myself conducted the largest study ever done on relationships (surveyed over 100,000 people around the world) and the data we uncovered on passionate kissing was fascinating. When we asked couples in the United States if they kissed passionately, they were quick to say yes, 70 percent said, "Of course we do!" But, when we asked how often they kissed, that was a different story.

We found it's very normal to rarely or even never kiss passionately. Our data tells us that 56 percent of men and women said they rarely or never kiss passionately. This is distressing since kissing is a way for people to enhance feelings of love and connectedness and having sex without it, has the risk of one or both partners feeling like they are just doing the mechanics of sex rather than creating a deeper passion and love. When we looked at how years in relationship might play a part in initiating the kiss, it definitely played a strong role. Only 21 percent said the rarely kiss or never kiss passionately in the first year of the relationship, compared to 61 percent at the 10 year mark! At 21 years or more it soars to 67 percent.

The Normal Bar study makes it clear that extremely happy relationship (not just happy, but extremely happy) men and women were much more likely to kiss passionately, but just about everyone else said they wanted more passion in their relationship. The majority (58 percent) of people who are extremely happy share a passionate kiss several times a week. And while passionate kissing isn't a requirement for sex, it seems to be a core component of pleasurable sex. Among people who love having sex with their partners, 85 percent kiss passionately on a regular basis. Among men and women who do not enjoy sex, 86 percent of them rarely or never kiss passionately!

So it seems like a no brainer, one easy solution to bringing the passion back in is to bring the passionate kiss back in as a normal part of intimacy. This one relatively easy addition to your lives together could add an incredible amount of pleasure and, even more important, help you feel much more deeply in love. Why not start tonight?