Beyoncs Lemonade Reviewed By Someone Who Won't Pay For Tidal

Beyoncé's new album "Lemonade" dropped Saturday night and took the Internet by storm . A storm that brings thunder, lightning and a $9.99 per month subscription to the streaming service Tidal.

Music feels like it's supposed to be free. It's like oxygen or sunshine or the complimentary fruit that my grocery store leaves sitting outside. I'll admit that I've been spoiled by the likes of Napster, LimeWire, Bearshare, and Pandora over the years. Now I use Spotify, which is mostly free other than the psychological price one pays in listening to that one torturous ad every three minutes: "So I, uh ... well ... I just wanted to say ... you know ... the thing is ... I was kinda wondering if you wanted to ... " You know the one. If that couldn't make me pay for Tidal, nothing will.

And look, I understand that musicians deserve to be compensated for their hard work. Or at least I mostly understand that. Kind of. Maybe I don't understand that at all. Give me free music.

Anyway, here's my review of Queen B's new album that I haven't heard yet because I refuse to pay for Tidal.

1. "PRAY YOU CATCH ME"

Great song. It's sung from the perspective of a baseball flying though the air.

2. "HOLD UP"

This is what you do with your glove to catch the baseball from the last song.

3. "DON'T HURT YOURSELF" feat. Jack White

Jack White is in this one. That I can tell you.

4. "SORRY"

Don't be.

5." 6 INCH" feat. The Weeknd

A major rebranding effort by Subway sandwiches after the recent events surrounding Jared Fogle.

6. "DADDY LESSONS"

This song has it all: percussion, singing, a title.

7. "LOVE DROUGHT"

Nobody wants dry love.

8. "SANDCASTLES"

Definitely a song about marriage. Sandcastles take patience, attention and are often destroyed by kids.

9. "FORWARD" feat. James Blake

I bet something weird happens if you play this song backward.

10. "FREEDOM" feat. Kendrick Lamar

Damn it, Tidal. This track looks so, so, so good. But I already blew my one-month free trial on "The Life of Pablo."

11. "ALL NIGHT"

Boring title. Huge disappointment.

12. "FORMATION"

I heard this one during the Super Bowl halftime show. It's great! Hopefully the NFL has Beyoncé back for a song 11 more times so I can hear the rest of the album for free.

VERDICT: I give it two thumbs pointing WAYYY toward someone who has actually heard the album and can tell you more.