Marriage Advice from a Divorced Mom

Gabriella Ignacz from Pearls Of Parenthood recently launched her new website encouraging parents to take care of themselves so they can better take care of their family. She was gracious enough to ask me to contribute to her blog. I wrote the following article for her website. I love what she's doing and I encourage you to visit her website www.pearlsofparenthood.com for advice and support to help you with the most stressful and satisfying job of parenting.

The word contradiction probably comes to mind when reading the title of this article. What marriage advice could a divorced mom possibly give? Being divorced means she failed at marriage, right?

I havent failed. Ive just found 10,000 ways that wont work. Thomas Edison

Failure is a harsh term. I like to think that Ive simply figured out at least one way marriage doesnt work. So, in hopes that your marriage doesnt meet the same end mine did, here are just a few pieces of marriage advice from a divorced mom.

Focus on the now in order to achieve forever

Being together forever is the goal, right? Yet so many couples forget that forever isnt just a word. It doesnt just happen. I think to achieve forever we must actually focus on the now. Those fleeting moments that offer us the opportunity to either deepen our connection or add another crack to it. Each day is filled with opportunities to be gentle, understanding, and to work together toward your common goal of death do us part. You have an equal chance of choosing to yell, blame and build up resentments. The goal is to make those small choices every day that take your relationship closer to forever.

Treat each other like teammates

Both of you are on the same side. You have the same goal: a healthy and happy marriage. You might have different ways of showing love or solving problems. You might respond differently to conflict. But you are both on the same team. Its not you against him or her way versus your way. Your actions move you both either toward happiness on one side or sadness on the other. Treat each other like teammates and you will always step closer to your goal.

Dont treat your marriage like the end of a Disney movie

Disney loves to end movies with a happy marriage. All the conflict and struggle comes first and only after the characters have overcome the struggles can they finally experience the joy of love and marriage. Marriage, in a Disney movie, is a magical ending to all the fighting, conflict and struggle. Only love, sunshine and happiness are in the future.

Let go of the Disney-fied Love Story version of marriage. Real love and marriage will never live up to the hype. My own marriage crumbled under the weight and pressure of such unrealistic and transient notions. Sink your feet into the reality of marriage and the everyday minutia of sharing your life with someone else. The realities of marriage might not be as glamorous as a Disney marriage but they are far more satisfying and fulfilling.

Marriage isnt 50/50. Divorce is 50/50. Marriage has to be 100/100. Its not about dividing everything but giving everything youve got.

Take it from someone who has gone through the painful task of dividing everything: marriage is ultimately a choice. Its a choice to choose the real, gritty, sometimes lackluster yet beautiful, surprising, and satisfying experience of sharing your life with someone else. Choose wisely.

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