Mindfulness and Empathy: What I Learned as a Mom from My Sons Feet

About six months ago, I caught my husband staring at the shoe bin by our front door. He had a quizzical look on his face. I honestly thought for a second that some small creature had yet again found its way into our doorway. My son has been known to offer housing to the occasional toad. I walked over to see what was so intriguing only to find him looking intently at two pairs of shoes, mine and my oldest sons. He looked up at me and said, Do me a favor, try on his shoes. I looked right back at him confused. My little boy is only ten years old, just a little guy. He is my cooking companion, my little hockey player, my outdoor adventurer. I decided to entertain my husbands request. And then it happened. His shoes fit me! My husband laughed, I let out a gasp that fell somewhere in between what in the hell and I just banged my little toe off of the corner of the cabinet.

Somehow, I had lost track of time. I lost track of his foot size as I found myself buying him new shoes every six months as he would complain that his feet felt squished. Without me fully noticing, he has grown tall enough so that his head falls just below my chin. Talk about a cold spray of water in the face. All at once, I found myself surveying his gangly legs, his tuft of boy hair, and his strong arms. He is not a baby anymore, he is a young man. Soon he will pass up my height and Ill be looking up to kiss him on the cheek. In the midst of my husbands shoe game I realized that I need to be more mindful or I will miss the tiny moments that will hit their pinnacle in a few years when there will be a grown man where my little chubby faced boy once stood. Im with him every day, but my mind has played a trick on me. I had been holding him in baby status for much too long.

Fast forward to last week. We traveled to the beach for vacation. A full week as a family with no interruptions. I was set to be more mindful. Ready to suck in every moment with my boys. Then, in being more mindful, I realized how much my sons interests and maturity had changed. He used to want to bring his toys on vacation and pack childrens movies. Now, he was playing cards with his uncles and talking about coding his own laptop. Sitting with mom building a sand castle had lost its lure. He still enjoyed it and spent hours entertaining his little brother sitting by my side, but I began to wonder if he still heard a word I said as we sat together or if he was already planning his evening game of chess. I almost wanted to ask him if he still wanted to play by my side or if he simply felt obligated. I wanted him to know that it was ok to keep exploring all of his new interests even if it took him further away from his familiar place at my side. Life gave me my answer of what was going through his mind.

The first day of our trip I stepped on a piece of driftwood on the beach and cut my foot. I decided to slap a Band-Aid on it keep on running with my boys. By the fourth day it really hurt. In reality, it was an infected cut. But then, my son asked me go with him and the rest of our family for ice cream and he asked if just he and I could visit the nearby pier and watch the fisherman fish in the dark. Screw a little cut, I wanted to get my time in with my favorite ten year old and he wanted some time alone with me without his baby brother. I was all in. We walked the mile or so to get ice cream and broke off from the rest of our family for our visit to the pier. I loved every second with him. He told me about every fish, filled me in on what he was doing with his friends, and asked to taste my ice cream choice. Best evening ever! It couldnt get any better with him than this.

Then it did. We started our walk back to our beach house and my foot really started to hurt. It was at this point that I got my second lesson from my sons feet. He has grown into an empathetic and selfless little man. My shoe started to bother me more and more so I decided to walk back along the sidewalk without my shoes. Not the most sanitary option, but it felt so much better. As my son watched me gingerly walk across a driveway he told me to stop and began to take off his flip flops. Then came my teachable moment. He looked right at me, Mommy, if I could carry you all the home I would. Im not big enough yet. But, you can have my shoes and I can wear yours. No one will notice that I am wearing girl shoes. I cant stand seeing you hurt. As he stood looking up at me I slid on his shoes. For the rest of the mile back he kept talking. He told me jokes. He asked how my feet were every few blocks. When we were about to walk up the driveway to our home for the week I asked him a question, What made you think to offer me your shoes? Well mom, I have seen you do anything to make me feel better and you carried me the last time I got hurt even though Im big now. I love you just like you love me. I melted. My little boy has a kind soul and warm heart. He is going to be an amazing man just like his dad. His feet not only reminded me to be more mindful, but they also showed me just how empathetic he is. Though, I sure wish that time would slow down and that his feet would stay just this size for a little while longer.