More Women Should Choose a Home Over a Baby

There has been much talk on the news lately about the mom who chose having her dream home over having another child.

First of all, let me backtrack and say that it kills me that news stories say the mom is choosing. As if, as she says in the article, it wasn't part of a much longer discussion with her husband. So often, the media and society act as if the woman makes the decision with complete disregard to her spouse's wants or needs. This is almost never the case, unless the relationship is abusive or there are some other, very serious, underlying problems. Every couple that I know that either plans on having children in the future, or has them already, made that decision together. It was never one-sided.

But back to the main point -- choosing a home over a child. Many people may read this and be aghast. How can you prioritize a material item over having children? The woman who wrote the article has been called selfish, and much, much worse.

However, I fully support her decision.

Why?

Because just blindly having children, with no consideration to anything other than an urge to procreate, can have very serious ramifications. There are a large number of people who decide to have children without thinking of the monetary consequences (not to mention the physical, emotional, etc).

I'm not saying that money should be your only concern, but sitting down and seriously considering what it takes to have a child should be required. These include things such as the emotional support the child needs, the impact to your marriage, the changes in your lifestyle, the type of education you want to provide for that child, and on and on. There is so much more that goes into having a baby than just wanting to have one.

And all of this is, of course, assuming that the pregnancy is planned, which according to the American Journal of Public Health , is less than half of all pregnancies in the U.S.

You read that right -- over 50 percent of all pregnancies in the United States are unplanned. (Which is a whole other topic that I don't have the time to get into right now -- but this statistic indicates a serious problem.) Therefore, it is important to note that unintended pregnancies carry a host of problems for both the mother and child, including a lower likelihood to seek prenatal care during the first trimester and a greater likelihood to use alcohol and tobacco during pregnancy.[1 ] Additionally, the baby is at a greater chance of being born prematurely and with a low birth weight, and often has trouble breastfeeding.[2 ] This all carries into how the child will develop and grow, and sets them at a disadvantage from day one.

Even planned pregnancies come with high costs. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, it costs $245,000 to raise a child , and that doesn't even include things like saving for college.

So what is the point of all of this? That sitting down and actually planning out whether you can afford to have a child should be a priority for every family. As much as we all work to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, it also helps to be born into a family that is financially, and emotionally, prepared to handle parenting.

A caveat here -- I know this assumes that everyone can plan their pregnancies, and it also assumes that everyone has access to birth control and a supportive partner that wants to discuss the planning of their family. I also know that access to reproductive healthcare is a huge problem in this country and that some marriages are not on equal playing terms. I wanted to make this point in an attempt to avoid some of the comments concerning my view coming from a place of privilege as a middle-class, white, heterosexual woman.

So, in the words of the great Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson (best podcast ever ), "Let the haters begin!" as I know this woman has attracted so many for being open and sharing this. But I wanted her and others to know that I stand in full support of this decision and I wish more families discussed and decided on pregnancy with such forethought.

For more by Amanda Oliver, check out her blog The Color Coded Life .