Here's Why Celebrity Deaths Can Feel So Personal

A beloved public figures death can be a shock many dont expect. While many lean into their grief , others are surprised to experience a strong personal reaction : I didnt know him, some have thought, so why am I this upset?

The truth is, theres no rulebook when it comes to grief, explained David Kaplan, the former chief professional officer of the American Counseling Association. The emotion is so swallowing and vast that its hard to pinpoint why it manifests in the ways that it does. But just because we cant explain grief doesnt mean its invalidated, Kaplan said and that especially goes for grieving a celebrity.

We grow up with these people, Kaplan told HuffPost. We see their movies, we hear their music on a regular basis and we really get to know them. In a sense, they become a member of our family especially the ones we really like so when they die, its like an extended member of our family dies. Its somebody we feel like we know.

These deaths also feel so personal because they resonate with us on a deeper, psychological level. We may grieve celebrities because our dream was to emulate their career path or because a celebrity death can also remind us of our mortality, Kaplan noted.

In the age of digital media, these feelings of loss and eventually healing are only intensified by the outpouring of new information, social media updates, essays and news articles at lightning-fast speed.

We are social creatures, we are meant to be with other people when we face adversity, Kaplan said. Thats going to mean different things for different generations. It may mean physically being with people ... or it could also extend to online. You can get hundreds of people saying, I know what youre going through. And thats very healing for us.

The passing of someone so admired, whose life was in the public sphere, also automatically creates a universal human connection, Kaplan said. When prompted, most of us can remember exactly where we were when we heard Whitney Houston died, for example.

We want to know that were not alone, he said. So when I feel sad over a celebrity, I want to know that there are other people also feeling this way. That [connection] is very helpful.

For those who may be mourning the loss of a celebrity, Kaplan offers these tips and reminders: 

Just because youre mourning a celebrity doesnt make your grief any less important, Kaplan said. Some people can feel a greater connection to one person than they do another whether its your parents, a friend, a pet or a public figure.

Grief is very different for different people, he explained. We have a tendency to compartmentalize grief and say that we should grieve a certain way depending on the person. But grief is grief and people act in very individual ways.

Kaplan stresses the importance of seeking professional help if your grief becomes too overwhelming. Grief is a normal, natural function, he said. But if it starts to interfere with your life, thats when it needs to be addressed.

Connecting with others, whether its through people or you know or through social media, makes a huge difference in the healing process, Kaplan explained. However, theres also no harm in taking advantage of professional services. Counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and even professional hotline numbers and websites are all available if you need to talk through your grief, Kaplan said.

The benchmark of depression, Kaplan said, is a lack of energy and will to do everyday functions like work or just be happy. And while everyone mourns differently, its important to notice the difference it could help the healing process.

People throw around the word depressed a lot, he said. Depression is a clinical term and a lot of times when people say theyre depressed, they really mean sad. The words that we use are very powerful and its important to make that distinction.