Pay Attention to the Strong Ones

Think, for a moment, about the people you are not worried about, in your personal or professional life. The high performers. The rock stars. The people who seem to have it together and who are always fine. The star athletes who are the Big People On Campus. The student leaders. The co-worker who is always taking care of everyone else and exceeding expectations.

It can be easy to overlook these people, because they seem so capable, so on top of everything. Instead, we put our focus on those who are clearly struggling and in need of our attention. We worry about those who seem disconnected, disengaged, and disillusioned. We create action plans for those who arent meeting expectations, find coaches to support their growth and achievement, and makes sure that we are checking in with them regularly to see how theyre doing.

And we should. We should worry about those who are clearly demonstrating issues and struggles that may impact their personal well-being and academic or career progression. We should look for resources tutoring, counseling, coaching, mentoring, and others to assist them as they discover their strengths and interests, build skills, and create productive habits and relationships.

But as we take care of these people, we should not overlook those who seem to have it altogether. Indeed, doing so can lead to disastrous outcomes, both for the individual and, ultimately, the organization. This is perhaps no better demonstrated than in the high-achieving athlete.

In last weeks New York Times, there was an article describing how the Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps has taken it upon himself to reach out to fellow athletes who are struggling, to advise and counsel them based on his own experience struggling with the hyper-bright limelight of success, achievement, and fame. One in particular, fellow Olympian Grant Hackett, described that experience this way: Its hard when youve done something that many people see as extraordinary, but as a person youre not. Its almost like youre separated from the pack. Youre having to try to grow as a person and work out who you are in this really difficult set of circumstances, under a microscope.

We see this with college athletes all the time. Their entire lives, their entire identity, is as athlete, and it can be difficult, if not impossible, to break ones self from that label. Go to practice. Go to team meetings. Watch film. Do strength training. Recover. Prepare for the next game or match. Be recognized on campus and in class for that goal, that match point, that defensive play, or worse, that loss. Carry all of that with you, all the time, while, as Hackett says, trying to grow as a person and work out who you are.

We all need to do a better job of paying attention to those who seem to be excelling at life. The New York Times compares Hacketts post-retirement life to his swimming: He appeared to be effortlessly gliding to glory, but beneath the surface propelling himself forward was becoming almost too much to bear. How many of our colleagues, our students, our friends are doing the same?

So, how can we help these high-performers? Use the practices of effective mentoring to connect and support:

• Pay attention. Make a conscious effort not to overlook the stars in your midst. Notice changes in behavior, attitude, appearance, or personality. Sometimes small changes can be clues to something bigger happening, right beneath the surface.
• Ask questions. Go beyond the How are you doing? question, that can be answered with a simple, Fine. Take the time to ask about challenges, successes, interests, and strengths. Ask about the things that go beyond the label: for the college athlete, ask about academics instead of the big game; for the high-performer at work, ask about hobbies and family instead of projects and goals.
• Listen. When you ask the questions, be sure to listen to the answer. Focus in on what the other person is saying, and what he or she is not saying. When he or she makes a comment about lack of sleep, feeling overwhelmed, or struggling to keep up, dont let that moment pass.
• Share. Find connection points with your own experience. Weve all been through challenges and struggles, some bigger than others. Weve all had to figure out coping mechanisms and strategies to move through those times. Sometimes sharing the wisdom that you learned from your own experience can help others to develop their own strategies.

Michael Phelps easily could have said, Not my job, or Ive got my own stuff to deal with, Im too busy to take on someone elses. But he chose not to. He knows, first-hand, the challenges of living under the microscope. We all can and should to pay attention to the strong ones.