Perhaps they dont want to die young, but this occupation

Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.

I had never thought it before that one day my heart would endorse those thoughts which were prevailing inside my mind. I was thinking that my heart would never let me fall for anything which uses to give me sleepless nights, as I was considering my heart stronger than my mind. But destiny has always given me lessons to imbibe.

For a long span of my life, I was not aware of wars, gun battles, protests, unrests, uprisings, stone peltings, and bombing. I had only a few memories to remember till 2007 when army use to take us out of our houses and cordons use to lie across our village to check the presence of militants; they usually use to assault locals and sometimes they use to chastise them and make them walk naked on streets. Although being a child of conflict, these memories often use to haunt me daily and I regularly use to deride such happenings. I always use to question why do young boys prefer to join militant organisations. Why army beat locals. Why we need to show our identity cards to a non-local. Why do they enter our houses without our permission? These questions gave me sleepless nights for a long span of my life. I always use to think over it that why do they (militants) prefer to die at a small age. What pushes them to do these things? I think every Kashmiri has the same question, who hasnt tried to understand conflict or who hasnt encountered the wrath of the army/police yet. Until yesterday this issue had no answer. But an incident which I met changed my perception and I overtly accept now what they do is not their choice but a duty to do so I got the answer to all of the questions which I was searching for.

Now I overtly stand with the fact which Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose had said: Give me blood, and I shall give you freedom.

Since Burhan left this world, a thought prevailed inside my heart as well in my mind, which was giving me sleepless nights, that why I am not joining the rebels who are fighting for Kashmir freedom. Why am I another stereotype and an e-warrior? These questions usually give me perturbation. I used to feel anxious while on thinking that why I am not into the practical lines and why am I unscathed. If I love the freedom, I too have to sacrifice myself for the motherland which is bleeding since the partition. Every evening I pass my time over finding answers to these questions. I always have a question in my mind that why these educated boys join the path of armed struggle. Dont they think about their beloved ones or they too are the victim of oppression. Usually, I feel distressed when I am not able to answer myself, and this continues regularly, but one of my friend who use to divert my mind that I can do better than by joining militants who fight for a cause. He uses to tell me the difference between a sword and a pen that how powerful a pen could be than a sword. He always motivates me towards the right thoughts. Thats why his analytical thinking inspires me. This may be another reason that still I havent left my home to join any militant organisation.

Burhans death left indelible stains in our hearts, but the death of Basit Dar a local engineer and an aspiring blogger cum writer scathed my soul. Since his death, I am living my life in desolation; I have never had a good sleep. Every night I think about his life that what pushed him to join militancy. Until yesterday I was in search of reasons which inspire these young youths. Finally, my tireless journey came to an end, and I got to know what oppression meant. Honestly speaking my heart out, its not what every young boy thinks of. Maybe until yesterday, my thought about oppression was an army man beating you in public or a policeman thrashing you in any street. But I feel it hurts, and it deeply pinches your heart when you are humiliated and harassed mentally when you are being made naked, and you are being hit at your private parts. Maybe my thought and definition about oppression would be wrong, please dont take it amiss. Until yesterday my thinking about freedom struggle might have many questions but yesterday when I was humiliated by a group of SOGS who were behind barracks and were frisking in and out every person who were passing nearby, changed my whole perception. They stopped me and inquired about my vehicle documents. They were demonizing vehemently. I politely followed the law of the land and showed each and every document. One among the group of SOG persons was hurling abuses at every guy. Nobody shrugged at him, nor did anybody ridicule his acts, but still he did not stop his rude remarks. He chastised some other people who were not carrying identity cards. I was stifling as the SOG person was not finishing his rude remarks. I too was the victim of his epithets. He hurled each and every abuse he remembered. I was inside my car showing my documents to another person. He came close to me M***rC**d tum VIP HO--- ARE YOU A VIP? I politely replied, SIR INHUN NA BOLA DOCUMENTS DEKHAO TO MA WOHE DEKHA RAHA HUN---HE WAS ENQUIRING ABOUT VEHICLE DOCUMENTS, SO I M SHOWING HIM.

HE: -Come out you moron, a****h***

Me:-sirrrrrrrrrr..errrrrr err

I came out and he started frisking. Take your pheran (a long overcoat) out. I followed and took my pheran out. He replied in a harsh tone tell me where your gun is? I was totally shocked about this. Inside only one thought was running in my mind that maybe this harassment is because they want to kill me and prove that I have an affiliation with any militant organisation. They dragged me, thrashed me and slapped when I was told to show my identity card. I told sir Adhar card chalega? When I gave him my Adhar card, he told that person on Adhar card is not me that I have spectacles and on the photo, I havent. I replied and said, Sir Adhar card walun na aisa he photo uthaya. And he continued snarling at me followed by a dozen abuses.

These questions were giving me Goosebumps. As I never have had been enquired like this way. He quickly followed many questions, and I was replying. My eyes were filled with the tear drops as I had never heard such abuses which the SOG man was hurling at me. They asked me about my mobile phone, and I gave them. They ordered to unlock it. I was terrified with their behaviour, and my mind wasnt working properly. I told sir ya down ha khulega nai---the phone has battery down. They all started abusing and told ath manz chueya azaadi video it seems you have Azadi video in it. I replied errrrr sir nai ha kuch isma---nothing is on my Phone. I thought to leave, so I told them a lie that I am a local boy. They thought it might spark a new protest maybe that was the reason they let me go. Maybe I was lucky that they let me go. Else there would have been a different story. Either I would have been killed, or I would have been behind bars.

This incident put an indelible stain on my heart. I got an answer to all of my questions. I got the reason why these educated boys take the path of armed struggle. Behind every rebel, there is a tale of such incidents. The highhandedness by STF and SOG has pushed most of the boys to join the path of armed struggle.

A student leaves home for university. On the way to university, hes being enquired at each and every check post for identity proof. When he shows his identity card, they question the authenticity of identity card; usually, they put this excuse that the person on identity card doesnt match with the person. They make the young boys remove their clothes; sometimes they hit the private parts. Such incidents deeply wound heart and soul of every young person. Every student in Kashmir who is a regular victim of these things wants to get rid of such incidents. Thus the only they find they take the gun and retaliate them.

Its high time for security forces to rethink over such incidents else time is not far away when they have to face mass retaliation from the youth who have been spurned disdainfully and harassed for no reason. The police and army enjoy impunity, thats why they misuse law. In the past, there had been many cases of harassment against police and military officers. No officer had has been yet punished. They enjoy powers like AFSPA, thus becoming a reason to hundreds of young boys who take the path of retaliation. In short, such incidents are aggravating the young generation.