Post-Trump Election Disorder (PTED)

(This update has been added as a supplement to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition.)

Post-Trump Election Disorder (PTED)

Diagnostic Criteria 414.7 (F47.4)

A. A significant and debilitating change in personality occurred on or after November 8, 2016.

B. These symptoms are entirely a reaction to the election of Donald Trump and not a result of another condition such as schizoaffective disorder or too tight pants.

C. Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present for at least two consecutive weeks.

1. Has taken a knee during the National Anthem.
2. Prays a strong gust of wind will reveal the presidents baldness, possibly breaking the spell.
3. Experiences shaking and tremors when the evening news comes on. (Note: Rule out stroke, Parkinsons disease, and forgetting to turn the heat on.)
4. Wants to punch Steve Mnuchin in the nose.
5. Wants to pull Sarah Huckabee Sanders hair.
6. Wants to force Jeff Sessions into a van and drop him off in Watts.
7. Has done online research into Canadian citizenship. (Note: In extreme cases, may append ey? to the end of sentences.)
8. Recurring nightmares in which it is election night and 75,000 Rust Belt voters for Hillary run out of gas on the way to the polls. (Note: Another frequent theme has the Fox and Friends gang showing up at the individuals house and announcing theyre staying the weekend. Sometimes Steve Ducey sleeps in the nude.)
9. Occasional rationalization that fascism isnt all bad.
10. Paranoid feelings when among strangers accompanied by a continual internal dialogue asking, Did he vote for him?...What about her? (Note: Uncomfortable around even longtime friends who voted republican. May avoid contact or use excuses such as, Ill get back to you in 2020.)
11. Enveloped by a pervasive sense of hopelessness and grief brought about by the shattering of the long held belief that there cant be that many stupid people out there.
12. Psychomotor agitation when new polls show absolutely no movement among registered republicans.
13. Has made attempts to avoid the news, but is always drawn back to it. (Note: Pleas from loved ones and friends are sometimes met with evasiveness and/or bargaining, e.g., Just let me spend five minutes in The Situation Room.)

Diagnostic Features

Individuals with post-Trump election disorder (PTED) experienced Donald Trumps ascendancy to the presidency as a traumatic event. Clinicians, in fact, consider PTED a close cousin to PTSD, sharing many of the same letters and coming right after it in alphabetical listings.

One of the most devastating aspects of PTED is that the individual is continually reminded of the traumatic event. With every news report, tweet, or even just hearing the words President Trump, the individual is forced to relive the trauma. Researchers have likened it to receiving hundreds of wedgies a day.

Another prominent feature of PTED is anger and often outright hatred directed at those whom the individual blames for his current state, i.e., Trump voters. Sometimes this anger is directed at entire states or regions of the country. The individual may entertain revenge fantasies, for example setting fire to Alabama.

Individuals with PTED are convinced that American democracy is under threat and that a worldwide catastrophe, perhaps in the form of a nuclear war, is inevitable. They feel little joy and walk through life listlessly, often letting their clothes sit at the cleaners for weeks after theyre ready. Rarely can they find the energy to signal for left turns.

PTED exacts a heavy toll on its victims. Once happy and functional individuals prior to the election, they are now chronically depressed, bereft of hope, wearing perpetual hangdog expressions, and generally bumming out everyone around them. They are whiny and demanding in treatment, and clinicians have to exercise restraint not to slap them around and tell them to buck up.

Prevalence

The 12-month prevalence estimate of PTED in the United States is approximately 48.18%. Researchers have noted this is exactly the percentage of Americans who voted for Hillary Clinton. Some suspect a correlation.

Development and Course

The course of PTED is strikingly similar among individuals. Onset began on November 8, 2016 at 10:39 p.m. (EST) when Trump won Ohio. Symptoms worsened at 10:53 p.m. when Florida was added to his column. Emergency rooms on both coasts reported major upticks in activity at 11:14 p.m. when Florida fell, and many ran out of beds at 1:35 a.m. the next morning when Pennsylvania gave its 46 electoral votes to Trump. PTED symptoms became full-blown at exactly 2:30 a.m. when Wisconsin put Trump over the top.

After onset PTED remains largely in stasis, with spikes coinciding with Trumps the American carnage stops inaugural address, the firing of James Comey, the post-Charlottesville remark that there are some very fine people on both sides, and the endorsement of Roy Moore. Conversely, brief relapses followed the Robert Mueller appointment, the indictments of Manafort and Flynn, and most recently after Trumps slurring of the words United States.

Culture-Related Diagnostic Issues

Surveys of PTED across cultures finds women, people of color, and non-Christian communities to be particularly vulnerable. Basically, anyone who couldnt get a tee time at the Biloxi Athletic Club is at serious risk.

Functional Consequences of Post-Trump Election Disorder

PETD has negative impacts across all aspects of the individuals life. Marriages have broken up, friendships have been destroyed, life savings have been squandered. In the workplace PETD is blamed for thousands of lost man-hours per month, more when the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence holds televised hearings. PTED sometimes even leads to encounters with the criminal justice system. One individual was arrested trying to enter a Senator Chuck Grassley meet-and-greet while wearing a joy hand buzzer. In his pocket was found detailed plans of a plot to tie Jared Kushner s shoelaces together.

Comorbidity

PTED is almost always comorbid with muellermania, an irrational belief that Special Counsel Robert Mueller III will relieve all of the individuals suffering. In a rare variant of this condition, muellerphilia, the individual can only achieve sexual satisfaction when a life-size cutout of Mueller is in the room.