Remember to Thank a Woman

I hate womens meetings. The panels, the seminars, the luncheons, etc., its all too much for me. Its not that I particularly mind the company of other women, no that parts just fine. Its the pontificating, the bloviating and the self-congratulating that I dont like. Theres a tendency, in those womens gatherings, Ive found, to laud a certain type of woman; the power woman. We love to celebrate the women who climb to the top of the corporate ladder, conquer capitalism and crack glass ceilings, all while wearing a skirt and a smile. We applaud those women, we hold these meetings to celebrate those women and we soak up everything these women have to say in hopes of emulating them, even if statistically speaking, well cant all be these women. But, frankly speaking, I dont see why we should all have to be. Women do so much to move the world forward in invaluable ways that have absolutely nothing to do with advancing and maintaining the corporate status quo.

Needless to say, when I was invited to attend Women who Pay it 4ward last month, I didnt have particularly high expectations that this womens gathering would be any different from any other womens event Id ever attended. What I found when I arrived, however, absolutely caught me off guard.

I discovered that the women at this event werent being honored because of what theyd taken for themselves; they were being recognized for what theyd given to others. Which, considering what I was accustomed to seeing at these sorts of gatherings, was truly revolutionary on its face.

The event honored 4 women; Alia Dalal who teaches Chicagoans how to cook foods that are healthy, affordable and sustainable, Pamela Montgomery, who founded a non-profit which serves children, youth and homeless adults called Joy Fields for Kids, Priya Shah, the executive producer of a documentary film on her journey to post-genocide Rwanda called Project: Building Hope, and Ingrid Sanders, a three-time cancer survivor who mentors newly diagnosed cancer patients through her work with the Tatisa C. Joiner Foundation.

This was the crop of women being saluted. Wow, right? My mind was blown.

What I found to be so surprising about the honorees is that educating people about healthier, more affordable substitutes for food or encouraging people we may or may not know that they can beat cancer because we did; women do those sorts of things every day without EVER. EVEN. THINKING. ABOUT. IT. But how many of us ever think to thank them for having done so? How many of us even consider such harrowing acts worthy of thanks? As I sat there pondering these questions, I saw something even more impressive take place right before my eyes.

In the middle of the program, the event sponsors* stopped the event to take time to honor their mothers. Now, lets just put a pin right there. Im a millennial, so the adulating thing is still fairly new to me. What I now know though, is that being on this side of life makes me realize that I never appreciated my mother enough as a child. I can barely roll out of bed, get myself dressed and get to work on time, so, I have no idea how my mom woke up my dad, the three of us, made everyone breakfast and lunch, brushed our hair, and got all of us out of the door on time. And thinking back to times like that makes me realize that my mom, like millions many others, did the extraordinary day in and day out, without a hint of gratuitous praise, and thats really regrettable. We think thats just what women do, without realizing the effort and sacrifice so many women make to support their families.

Perhaps moving of all though, was a conversation I had with two young ladies named Temitope Famodu and Sanjana Kantayya, they were at the event to receive a financial donation of $1500.00 on behalf of their employer, GirlForward. GirlForward is a non-profit that provides safe spaces to teenage refugee girls whove fled conflict-torn regions. They provide tutoring, games, workshops, mentoring and summer programs to the girls to try to make their transitions a bit easier (because its difficult enough to be a teenage girl without having to flee your native country and learning the American way of life). When I asked Temitope and Sanjana how many people it took to run such a remarkable program, I was told that the agency is run by a mere 5 full-time. And as you probably guessed, every last one of those employees is female. That's right; it's women who do the daunting emotional work of taking the time to embrace girls who may or may not feel safe, or secure or comfortable in their own skin, let alone their newfound country and help them believe that everything will be ok. It's women who take the hands of these young ladies and help them navigate life at their high schools. It's women who offer friendship and hope to girls may often times feel alone and hopeless. Can you imagine the many linguistic, educational, emotional and social barriers that have to be broken down with each girl in order to do this work? I almost can't even begin to fathom, it's truly remarkable that handful of women get this work done day in and day out. And yet, when I asked the ladies how often they're recognized at events like this one, they shared a number that was appallingly low, considering the important work they do faithfully, on a very regular basis.

And that just got me thinking; we really don't thank women enough. We don't celebrate women enough, we don't extoll or acknowledge women, we just don't. It's as if we're not conditioned to think that the bulk of the work women do isn't important, which is as unfortunate as it is insane. Where would we be without the women who birthed us, nurtured and taught us how to read? What would happen without the women who volunteered their time with the suffering, who cook for their girlfriends when they're unable to cook for themselves or prop us up when we're uncertain to tell us it will all be ok? Women shouldn't have to be CEOs in order to gain our respect and admiration (and sitting up under them celebrating their achievements doesn't move you into a corner office any faster). We should be in absolute awe of women purely because.

So, in this season of Thanksgiving, remember to thank a woman. Thank a woman for being assured in the face of your uncertainty, thank the woman who was patient with you, when you didn't necessarily deserve restraint, thank a woman who knows how to create order out of chaos, thank a woman who remained stoic in the face of the unmanageable. It may not "pay" to be this sort of woman just yet, but it will one day, if we acknowledge women and remember to be thankful.

* Event Sponsors Kevin Williams, for BMW of North America and Kris Christian, of MADE Magazine