So You Want To Live Happily Ever After?

Has anyone ever said you should have your own show? Or that you're so talented and unique, you could be living the life of your dreams, if only you believed in yourself more and buckled down?

And have you ever thought, Yeah, that's probably true. But no one really believed in me when I was growing up, or set a great example. And it's so hard to break my old patterns. Plus, what are the odds I'll succeed, if I try?

We want to help! This is your chance to pitch yourself directly to the casting department of an edgy new reality show series called How Can You Lose? Just select a How Can You Lose? show from our list below. Then tell us about yourself and why you should be our next star! HCYL? is prepared to bring your dream to you and give you everything you need to make it YOUR NEW REALITY. Don't be shy! We look forward to hearing from you.

How Can You Lose... The Love Of Your Life?
Ready to live happily ever after? Here's your best possible chance. We'll locate 5 high quality potential mates for you, based on interviews with your friends and former romantic partners, as well as based on the results of extensive genetic and psychological testing for you and your mates, and our patented sniff test pheromone sampler. In the final round, you and your soul mate will have been together 3 years. (You broke up once over typical intimacy issues, then reunited and worked together to start a non-profit to help children of low-income families improve test scores and receive grants for specialized education, as a result of which, your bond with your soul mate got even deeper and richer.) Genetically, you're an ideal match, though you'd both be happy with or without children. You still have good sex 1-3x a week, and you're both due to receive a nice inheritance. Your spiritual and political views are compatible. You love each other unconditionally and are best friends. You now have 40-70 years to live your lives together, married or unmarried. No pressure. How can you lose? Click here to apply!

How Can You Lose...Your Dream Job?
Tell us your dream job. We'll select you! Then we'll provide comprehensive training and testing to confirm you have a flair for, and are equipped to thrive in, your chosen profession. We'll also provide a short list of influential contacts who will support and encourage you. The amount of time it will take you to start making a profit/name for yourself/difference in the world will be offset by a series of grants, as well as free access to appropriate venues or storefront locations and whatever raw materials you need. Your projected living expenses will also be paid through the next 10 years. Your mother had the same dream job but was unable to fulfill herself due to unresolved psychological issues or possibly a personality disorder. She also imprinted her needs and underlying trauma on you before you were consciously able to delineate her psyche from yours. Your father basically means well but checked out emotionally before you were born, and he recently began an affair with a woman who's 12 years younger than you. But you know your demons, and we'll provide a multi-pronged advertising campaign for the duration of your career! You have 10 years to succeed in your chosen profession. Click here to apply!

How Can You Lose...All the Money You Want? (Extreme Self Sabotage Edition)
Want more money? Just tell us how much. No problem. Click here to apply!

How Can You Lose...A Lifetime of Great Sex? (Extreme Self Sabotage Edition)
Want more sex? Just tell us how much. And specify what kind you like, reliably, and what kind you'd like to try, given the right circumstances. (Your answers will remain confidential. No one will be harmed or feel rejected or ashamed in this series. If you're currently in a long-term relationship, it will not be compromised in any way.) Let us know when you're ready, or if you need some coaxing or seduction or a break at all. Click here to apply!

How Can You Lose...Those Last 5-100 Lbs?
Struggling to lose those last 5-100 pounds? For the rest of your life, you'll have a team of personal trainers, massage therapists, nutritionists, and personal chefs in attendance. Your diet and exercise regime will be optimized daily, as per changes in your metabolism, as detected by our non-invasive technology developed by NASA. You'll be provided with vitamins and super-nutrients in non-toxic levels determined to keep your energy stable and cravings to a minimum. Your sleep patterns will be optimized by our gentle aromatherapy/biorhythm technology, and you're free to make use of our motivational counselors as needed. You'll be left alone for an hour a day. Click here to apply! (Pictures welcome but not necessary.)

How Can You Lose...Your Total Spiritual Enlightenment?
We won't ask you to describe your faith (or lack of) in your application. We'll simply choose you. This series will run forever. Everyone will eventually get their chance to star. (Everyone, without exception.) Today is your day. You don't have to do anything while you're here, but feel free to reflect on all the lives you've lived, the myriad serious illnesses you've overcome, the ones you weren't able to overcome, the emotional trauma and cruelty purged from your system over your many lives, and all the love you've received and given, for no reason other than it felt like the right thing to do, or because someone just showed up at the right time to make you smile or help you through some sadness or unbearable loss. We'll show you exactly how the world works, and why, and why there is evil and even an ounce of suffering and brutality. You'll see it all clearly. In the final round, you'll have as long as you want to dwell peacefully in your understanding, knowing, and being. You are loved, known, and complete. Your next step is completely up to you. You can't lose! Click here to apply!

How Can You Lose...Your Very Own 5 Star Restaurant?
Dream of having your own restaurant? Here's your chance to win one - including staff, management, appliances/furniture, design team, whatever food you need, and 10- years' pre-paid rent. We won't give away the whole show here, because it might ruin the contest! But here's a quick example:

Round 3: Dessert

Ingredients provided: Flour, milk, eggs, butter, sugar, cinnamon, chocolate chips, baking soda, baking powder, and salt.

You can also use our fridge, pantry, and our extensive library of cookbooks.

You have 20 hours to make a dessert. (Do-overs ok!)
Click here to apply!