Software engineer by day, exotic dancer by nightPart2

I step onto the stage in my 7-inch platform heels. I scan the audience for someone worthy of my attention. I see you. I glance at you for a moment while I strut to the pole. I grab onto it with my right hand. My left hand flirts with my silky smooth hair as I catwalk around the pole. Then, with a forceful swing of my outside leg, I show off my most engaging spinning trick. I land on the floor and smile at you.

You smile back at me, not able to take your eyes off of me. Thats when I know: Ive got you. For the duration of the next few songs, I will make you worship me. I will exude my athleticism, artistry, and sensuality. I will entice you with my every movement.

I might never be Miranda Kerr wearing million-dollar lingerie strutting down the runway of a Victorias Secret fashion show. But the stage is my own runway. Every time Im on this runway, I command the audience and I put on a fierce show.

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When Im on stage, I hold ultimate power. I have the choice to select whom (if anyone) in the front-row seat I shall approach. If I like someone, I will playfully flirt with them during my dance. If I dont, I will not give them a second glance regardless of how much attention or cheer they are giving me. Sometimes, I choose the center pole itself as the focal point of my energy.

This uncompromising choice fuels my sense of empowerment and boosts my confidence to be bold.

Dancing on stage, not caring what people think, not caring whos watching me, feels incredibly liberating.

On stage, I am able to effortlessly peel away the protective shield built on years of self-consciousness and insecurity.

The stage thus enables me to step into a mentality of courage and exploration. The stage is therefore an environment which provides me with an opportunity to learn to fall in love with myself. My esoteric experience has helped me overcome a body image issue better than any article, friend, or family member ever had.

Being on stage has taught me to be comfortable and confident in my own body. Performing on stage has taught me to believe that I am a beautiful, sexy, perfectly imperfect woman.

Looking into the mirror now I can barely believe that the girl looking back at me, the girl who used to be so insecure in herself and self-conscious in her body, is the same woman looking at her.

I used to look into the mirror and see all of my flaws: the increasingly obvious muffin top, the not-too-visible abs, the thick calves, the non-ideal measurements. I used to compare myself to others (friends, models, celebrities) all the time and feel defeated.

Now, I look into the mirror and I admire every inch of my perfectly imperfect curves.

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Unfortunately, the sense of empowerment I feel on stage is perfectly contrasted with how I feel in the real world.

Despite gaining more self-confidence through this alternate universe, the daring persona I possess on stage is something I dare not exhibit in my real life. I separate myself from my alter ego because Im scared.

We live in a society that encourages women to be invisible. If we dare to do anything which draws attention to us, we get punished. Being assertive is seen as being bitchy. Negotiating a salary and asking for promotion is not without stigma. Exuding a sexual confidence is seen as being morally loose.

The shame dawned on us by being confident in various aspects of our lives takes away the precise choice I feel every time I am on stage. In the real world, we are left with no choice but to limit ourselves in order to fit into the inflexible geometry the society has carved out for us.

Therefore, in this world, I feel safer toning myself down and blending into the background than letting myself shine.

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The stage is thus a niche where I feel safe to be free, to unleash the inner flame I have to hold back in the real world.

The stage doesnt shame me for owning my body and feeling sexy in it. The stage doesnt shame me for wanting to be bold. The stage doesnt shame me for wanting to feel wanted.

Im a woman who wants to be seen, a woman who desires to feel visible. I am empowered to fearlessly fulfill this inner thirst when I am dancing on my own unique runway.

For on this runway, I am encouraged to shine.

Checkout part 1 of my engineer/dancer story .