The Glorious Case For Why Columbus Day Should Become "Woot! America's Got The History Day!"

With both fanfare and fluster I'm making a case here and now for why we should change Columbus Day to "Woot! America Has The History Day!"

My kids can sing you a catchy little ditty about Columbus sailing to the Americas in 1492, on the Nia, the Pinta and the Santa Mara. (Confession: Even I find myself humming it while doing the dishes, but we'll keep that our little secret.) But this version of history shouldnt be paramount to my children's education as a song, let alone as a holiday.

Why Isnt There an Elisa Day?

Yes, it is true that C-man took four trips on three Spanish ship. But, I've explored all sorts of unique places very few people have ventured on more than four road trips with three kids, on my own! Personally, I feel like Ive bested Columbus with all the exploration stuff and yet I havent been bestowed an Elisa Day (a joyous celebration in which kids have three days weekends after cutting-out and coloring paper minivans to proudly place on the lower right half of their fridge).

Although, I also don't make a habit of conquering the people I visit, and then enslaving, raping and murdering their families. If that is the type of explorer I have to become to get a holiday, I'm out.

I like to think, though, that the reason I haven't been bestowed a U.S. holiday is less sinister--I just haven't been exploring outside of the United States. After all, Columbus didn't actually ever go to what is now the U.S. Therefore, it is only logical to conclude that to become worthy of a holiday dedicated to the discovery of our geographical location, we must not be within our geographical location. (However in the case of Columbus, I almost understand why wed want him to not have come hereat least considering his mens nasty penchant for feeding live babies to dogs.)

Why Indigenous People's Day Won't Work

Honestly, I believe that being worthy of a holiday is like being worthy of winning the lottery. Afterall, Columbus was one of many who found" the Americas. He just happened to be the lucky guy who got a holiday for it. The Vikings had already had come and gone long before Columbus' great, great, great granny was born. Then of course, so many different Native American groups were already in the Americas, since, well, forever.

No wonder there is a big push for rebranding Columbus Day as Indigenous People's Day, an idea I adore. We should have an Indigenous People's Day, and we should definitely celebrate by getting off of school to explore American Indian culture and history.

However, I can also see renaming Columbus Day as Indigenous People's Day going topsy-turvy. Consider other protests of late (ahem, like standing vs. kneeling during the National Anthem). Too easily a message is lost when half the population feels the counter-option steals or devalues something.

Ill guarantee that some Americans would feel like somethingtheir heritagewas stolen from them and given to others they dont relate to if we rebranded Columbus Day as Indigenous People's Day. It shouldn't surprise us that this could backfire, resulting in bitterness towards Indigenous People rather than guiding Americans at large to appreciate our American Indian heritage.

We need to pivot gloriously, not ricochet like a grenade.

Americans tend to celebrate bits and snatches of who we are, our history and people. Our holidays, museums and demonstrations reflect this. And although this can be a wonderful thing, if we want to rebrand Columbus Day without war, we must capitalize on what we have in common.

"Woot! Americas Got The History Day!" Solves All Our Columbus Day Problems

Well then, what do we have in common?

Besides getting a day off (at least for us lucky ones), the only noticeable purpose of Columbus Day is to ignite an excitement for history and exploration by teaching our kids about the United States before 1776. I might be missing something, but if that is what we use this holiday for, why don't we just rename it to reflect this?

If that isn't a gloriously simplistic solution, I don't know what is.

True, "American History Day" might sound better than "America's Got The History Day!" Regardless, I'm advocating for the colloquial, "Woot" to give credence to our current digital age, a reverberation against our history, past and present combined. But I'm not picky"Yippee: American is Awesome Day!" might work just as well. "Discovery and Exploration of the United States Day" is also a good one, but I fear that "American Heritage Day" is too dry when it comes expressing our Pre-Columbian past (especially if we are marketing to elementary kids).

I'll happily let everyone else squabble over the name; it is the semantics that matter to me.

We Americans share a heck of a history. I am proposing we pivot our holiday to consider, celebrate, and mourn this: the good and the bad; the nice and the ugly. Let's revamp this holiday to discuss the honest truth of what came to be to make us who we are today.

An Obvious Conclusion

Not surprisingly, Id be shocked if we changed Columbus Day to Woot! America's Got The History Day! However, the one thing I can truly make a glorious case for is this:

We cannot memorialize veterans who sacrificed for our country in November, while in October, honor a man who is at least partially responsible for the slow murder of 10,000 people who bled to death when their hands were chopped off and tied around their necks and the sex trafficking women and children younger than my daughter .

Those holidays just cannot exist on the same calendar together.

We don't need an Elisa Day and we do need an Indigenous People's Day. But something that we need right now is to stop honoring a really horrible guy and instead memorialize what we have in common--our shared history, both good and bad.

Elisa Johnston empowers ordinary people to become leaders who will change the world at Average Advocate , procrastinates on Instagram , and believes that Life Mapping will help you be the person you were meant to be and make the difference you were born to make.