'The Perfect Nanny' For Travis Kalanick

Last week, Uber CEO Travis Kalanick posted a quick job advertisement on the company website, calling for a Chief Operating Officer who can help him to “write the next chapter in our journey.” At NELP, we’ve done some hunting for good candidates ourselves in the past, and we’ve found that sometimes having a bit more detail can help you find just the right person to fit the bill. Maybe this can help flesh out the criteria a bit for you.

(Sung to the tune of “The Perfect Nanny ” from the movie “Mary Poppins.)

Travis Kalanick: 

[Spoken] 
Wanted: a nanny for one misbehaving executive

If you want this choice position 
Have a grown-up’s disposition 
Be good to drivers, no more suits ! 
Appreciate their hard work, share the loot.

You must be honest , no stepping on toes,
Reward women for work, not for their clothes. 
No sexual harassment or “toxic” work cultures, 
Help me be a leader, not quite such a vulture.

Help me set rates that pay drivers fairly, 
No going low-end so they get by just barely.
Stop leasing to drivers with dangerous lending,
It’s a company town , that’s got to be ending.
When protests take place let’s not run up our rates,
And riders of colo r won’t be left to their fates.

I need you to help me to “change as a leader ,” 
Help change the culture, don’t be a cheerleader, 
My Board Members can’t do it, they don’t have the power,
If they try to guide me I tend to just glower. 
I recently said on the screen, own up to your sh*t,

This company needs help, I hope that you’re it.

Hurry, Nanny! 
I’m in kind of a panic 
Sincerely yours,
Travis Kalanick