Who Am I

A weird thing happened to me back in August. Some of my biological family members reached out to me out of the blue.

I was age 3 and have never known any of my biological family because my records were all sealed when I was put into foster care as an infant. In 2014 I did a DNA test after suffering several health issues. This so called test, is what led to some of my biological family finding me.

I have been asked many times in my life if I was interested in finding my biological family. The answer is, no. Ive never had the longing to find them and have always viewed it as opening up a can of worms. When I was contacted in August, it really threw me for a loop and messed with my head. With the support of my family, I finally decided to work up the courage to reply to them.

In a cliff notes version, I explained who I was and how I was given up as an infant. I also proceeded to ask questions that Id sometimes wondered about. I guess you could say, I was wanting to learn more about where I came from. The whole idea of corresponding with them was terrifying, but I became curious.

I never heard from them again. It was horrible. I thought I was prepared and open to the idea of communication. What I wasnt prepared for was feeling rejected for a second time. A flood of raw emotion sat with me for a couple of months after this happened. I felt myself feeling like that little girl who was so lost in the first three years of her life.

The situation left me asking myself who am I? I know that Im a Campbell and my parents daughter, but where did I come from and where did my life begin? My records are sealed and cannot be accessed without the approval from a judge. My birth certificate is amended and my original one is locked away. I dont even know my medical history or what runs in my family. I went through an identity crises and feelings of loss. I would lie awake at night asking myself, why dont they want to talk to me? After all, they originally reached out to me. Dont they want to know how I am and the woman I have become?!

I worked through the disappointment and the feelings attached to the situation. I realized, in the end, maybe it doesnt matter. Because, in the end, we are a product of our environment. My personality, my values, and my outlook on life, come from the family who have raised me and shown me unconditional love. All of the other details are just that, details.

#Family #voice #impact #adoption #women #parenrs